All this advice is wonderful!! Thank you soooo much.
I've not let on to him that I know about his 'magazines'. And I wait a little bit longer after knocking on his door before I go into his room.
Its so funny, cause when he is sleeping, I go in there and look at his precious face and still see the baby I once held tight in my arms, then I look down at the lump of his taller than me body beneath his blankets and think... where did time go???
He's my baby, the youngest and will be 14 in just a couple of weeks. I know he is facing lots of pressures at school. I just feel kinda helpless at times because as he tells me I just "dont understand" what he's going through.
He's either very very touchy feely and hangs all over me, or very distant. Nothing in between. His emotions are either high high high, or low low low. He has terrible migranes, which I have taken him to the doctors for and taking meds.
Anyway, I'm rambling here. Thanks again for all the wonderful advice. I welcome any and all comments.
Like others who have responded i am not a parent. I have studied Behaviour specialising in Children and adolesents.
Your sons behaviour to me sounds 'normal' for his age. As much as a you may find his behaviour difficult and hard to understand just remember a few things....
Can you remember what it was like when you had your 1st crush on a guy?? Lol, i sure can. I was a wreck, i can even remember how my behaviour changed. I had my girlfriends to talk to and discuss things with - not all guys ( especially those going thru puberty) have such open relationships with fellow male peers.
Going through puberty is a time of change, seeing your body grow and develop - again some teenagers have issues with this, or are not sure how to react.
I guess you can see what i'm saying...
It's the way in which you respond to these changes that could help him through this time....
Educate yourself, talk with other parents who are experiencing simular things with their children. If you are feeling frustrated being able to "off load" to a parent going thru the same things often helps. And remember - the way your feeling isn't wrong, it's a time of change for you aswell
Let your son know you are there for him - any questions he has, any feelings he cant understand he can talk to you with
Keep the boundries - dont let your child take control. Quite often parents are overwhelmed with the change in their children. If allowed kids thrive from this - and they dont always realise the power they have gained!
We are all individuals - remember that. Puberty is another stage of identity. Learning about yourself, deciding what paths to take
As delicate as the 'S' issue is with teenagers - i agree dont offer to buy the magazines but at the same time if he accquires some it may be confusing for him if you 'react'. Again he's learning aboout his body, and telling him 'No" or that u disapprove could confuse him. Yes i know 13 is underage for porn but its how u react to 'delicate' issues that often gets reactions
Dont smother, give them time and space to be alone if they wish to learn how they feel
And Love, let them know above anything there is love :o)
Good luck - i'm sure you'll raise a fine young man x
Hey Toke, I hope the advice your getting is helping a bit.
Though being a single mom with a 13 year old boy myself I can truely sympathize.. Just give him a lot of love, space and understanding.. and I agree with Mystic on the magazines. Dont encourage it or go buy them for him, but do keep an eye on him. I guess my biggest concern was the headaches. Remember also, kids that age male or female are still going thru growing pains, which can also add to their mood swings.
I'm not a parent but will add my 2 cents. The extreme mood swings don't sound right to me, once in awhile I can understand but if it's pretty often, especially if you find yourself thinking before acating to try not to 'cause' one then I would say it's worth looking into, most kids I was around at that age that had them (frequent/extreme mood swings I'm talking here) usually ended up having more serious problems, but some didn't, I think alot has to do with how the parent handles it.
The only other thing I have expertise on is the magazines, I would say ignore them for the most part, part of the drill (for kids) is keeping them secret/private, and it's defintely embarassing when mom finds them. Of course if they become an obsession or you notice some really freaky stuff then you'd have to step in.
Good luck, nothing like teenage boys to keep you on your toes... or is that on edge?
Well I'm not a parent and don't have any specific advice for your more delicate question, but there is a great book about male gender socialization that I can recommend called "Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons From the Myths of Boyhood," by Dr. William Pollack. Some of the topics it covers might help explain some of the more emotional behaviors. It's really not a bad read.
HEY, I WAS READING ABOUT YOUR PROBLEM. I HAVE RAISED BOYS SO I KNOW. THEY REALLY NEED A MAN TO BE ABLE TO TALK WITH IF NEED BE. NOT JUST ANY MAN,BUT SOMEONE WHO YOU FEEL OK WITH. AT THAT AGE, THEY WILL BE DOING ALOT OF THINGS YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND,BUT PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND. REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE WHEN YOU WERE 13 AND WHAT YOU WERE THINKING AND GOING THROUGH. IT WILL HELP YOU TO GET THOUGH IT.THAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH US AS PARENTS.. WE SOMETIMES FORGET WHAT IT WAS LIKE WHEN WE WERE YOUNG AND WHAT OUR PARENTS DONE TO US AND FOR US. HOPE THIS HELPS SOME BUT I KNOW NOT ALOT. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU AND FOR YOU