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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Nov 10, 2004 06:26

I have been struggling with this issue for a while, and could use some help. I am a widow, and my children and I have made the decision to seriously look for a "father-figure" in our lives. Their need is as great as mine, and I have had no luck. Men dont want to accept a ready-made family. Is there any hope?

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Feb 18, 2007 13:59

I think what jjiggl said is very true. I met someone online, absolutely gorgeous, fantastic man, great with my daughter, and she adored him. Unfortunatley, due to him being foreign, we couldn't manage to make the relationship work. They ARE out there, men do exist that are not bothered by the fact that you have a child. But I have learned my lesson...NEVER again will I introduce her to someone I am dating, until I am sure that it at least has the possibility of working out. Its been over a month now, and she asks about him all the time. (She is 4) and cannot understand why someone she cared about is no longer here. Yes, I am always upfront that I have a child, but in the future, I will be more cautious, it is not fair on her that people should come and go out of her life. The right guy for you will love your children and be there for both of you, might just take some extra time to find it! As one guy I was speaking to said, "At our age men tend to expect that who they are dating might have a child, most of us don't mind." But then you see all the profiles that express wishes for a potential partner to be childless!! lol



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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Oct 30, 2005 09:27

jailene write:

I have been struggling with this issue for a while, and could use some help. I am a widow, and my children and I have made the decision to seriously look for a "father-figure" in our lives. Their need is as great as mine, and I have had no luck. Men dont want to accept a ready-made family. Is there any hope?




Perhaps it would be best if you focus on what YOU need in a man and potential mate and if he is right for you..he will be the right one to be a father figure to your children.



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Oct 22, 2005 05:44

For brooklyn33 sweeeeeeeet smile.read my frist note
For sweeeet smile.read my frist note



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Oct 22, 2005 05:33

this be gary calling on you also xisenoxisnevesevifenoenin it
s all there just in the reflextion. hurry want to meets you very much.
this be gary calling on you also xisenoxisnevesevifenoenin it
s all there just in the reflextion. hurry want to meets you very much.

  


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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Aug 01, 2005 20:43

I am in the same boat sweetie....I have a 6 year old son and a 3 month old son...both from different longterm relationships...that failed...I am holding on for hope!

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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jul 05, 2005 15:24

As a single parent, I learned quick and fast that it is difficult to find a man who will love you and your children. There are a few out there, but they are few and far between. Let it be known, that I feel that the same goes for women and children who are not their own. I have a 17 yr old son and from the time that he was 4 until the time that he was 16, I did not introduce him to the few men that I dated. I learned to keep my dating life apart from my "mommy" time. I felt that since it was my decision to be a mom, I should not risk the chance that my son be ill-treated by a man that I was involved with. I learned to be that way from a very short lived relationship that I had with a man who was actually jealous of the time that I gave to my son. I did not start dating regularly until he was 16 yrs old.

I also waited to date regularly, because I did not want my son to be confused should I happen to date more than one man at a time. I wanted him to be able to understand that dating was not the same as a relationship.

Just my two cents worth, but I am sure that you will find the answer that is right for you.

Good luck!!

  


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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Jun 17, 2005 21:52


divamama write:
ladies..be a mother and a father to your child..do not depend on a man who you fall in love with to love your child like you do....you know uncles,grandfathers and friends do the job better then some some so called fathers..


Amen to that.



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Jun 13, 2005 10:48

ladies..be a mother and a father to your child..do not depend on a man who you fall in love with to love your child like you do....you know uncles,grandfathers and friends do the job better then some some so called fathers..



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Mar 12, 2005 13:27

Chris: you said it very well.



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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Feb 24, 2005 08:06

I agree a single father who is into their kids is very appealing.



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Feb 14, 2005 21:28

I have to say I agree with RN2005. A devoted father is incredibly appealing to MANY women.



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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Feb 14, 2005 11:18

Justin, I'm sorry for what you've been through. As a mother who has just been through the custody battle from hell. I can't imagine ever leaving my children, but I've seen as many sorry women lately as I have sorry men. Keep your chin up. Single fathers raising their children are appealing to many women. :)



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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jan 29, 2005 09:13

Maybe a dating site isn't the best place to meet blokes who are looking for a ready made family. Most are after just one thing. Sure some are looking for a relationship but mostly go for girls with no children. If they are younger men they want to start their own family or enjoy their freedom before settling down. Older guys are past all of that and want a quiet life. I believe you're only real hope is to look for guys who already have kids. Or look to meet someone when your on a night out or at work and once you get along well with them then bring it in that you have kids, if they like you it won't matter to them. The trouble with this site and others like it, is that you have to push the fact you have children in someones face. The thing is that you're kids have come first and a lot of men on dating sites can't handle that concept. But having said that millions of people with children meet new partners and settle down as a new family so never give up hope at least if you do meet someone under these circumstances he is likely to be more genuine towards you and your children. Good luck.



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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Jan 16, 2005 06:19

Justin,
I am sorry about what happened to you but don't judge us all by your wife.I personally base my choices on personality.If I am comfortable with you then it's a go. Hang in there,single parent is hard but very rewarding. :)

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jan 15, 2005 18:06

OK, LET US GET THIS RIGHT. I HEAR ALL THESE LADYS OUT THERE TALKING ABOUT FINDING A "GOOD" MAN. IF YOU WOULD STOP LOOKING SO HARD AND LOOK RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES YOU WOULD SEE HIM....
YOU WHINE ABOUT WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE AND IF HE HAS A GOOD BODY AND WHAT HE HAS HINGING.
HAVE YOU NOT SEEN BY NOW ALL THESE GUYS ARE REAL BUTTS! AND ALSO THESE ARE THE GUYS YOU WERE WITH WHEN YOU GOT HURT. STOP LOOKING AT THE OUTSIDE AND LOOK AT THE HEART AND YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL BE GOOD TO YOU AND OR YOUR KID(S).
JUST THINK OF THIS... I AM A SINGLE DAD RAISING A LITTLE BOY OWN MY OWN CAUSE OF A WOMAN WHO LEFT US HIGH AND DRY. WALKED OUT ON US WHEN ME BOY WAS 2 WEEKS OLD. BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE AND DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. REMEMBER,THE HEART IS WHAT MATTERS AND NOT THE BODY!!!!

  


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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Jan 09, 2005 13:19

I agree that we as mothers, or fathers need to be cautious with whom we meet and introduce to our children, but we also have to realize that not all men, or women out there are bad and that there still are a few good people out there...Good luck in your search...and hopefully we will all find happiness...

  


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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Jan 07, 2005 17:23

On the other hand.....

Be cautious for the men who are all to eager to be that "father figure" to your precious babies.
I married a cop of all people thinking he would be a great father figure. It turned out to be a nightmare for both my children and I.
He "liked" my girls TOO MUCH!
Needless to say, he is no longer in the police department. (He got off easy much to my dismay)

It's not an easy position to be in... single parent with children. I'm sure the same rings true for Dad's who are raising their kids. We want the best for out kids and yet have our own needs to fulfill as well. For me, the bottom line is this... Until my kids are raised, I'd rather be alone then to put them through another experience like the one we just went through. So unless I am 200% sure that a potential mate is right for not only me, but for my teens, then I agree with the whole dating thing and keeping the kids out of the picture.

Wouldnt it be nice if everything were black and white and no grey area's between???



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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jan 04, 2005 22:23

I don't think that this problem is just related to ready-made families. In my case the father of my beautiful now 3 year old pushed me for a year to get back together (we broke up before I knew I was having her) and I finally said yes. Eight months later and a year before our wedding date with almost everything paid for on my end, he walked out. The strange part is that he seems to think I'm not entitled to anyone else because she is in the picture. I think what scoot said is sooo right, but it's still a sad situation. I'm with you on the frustration, my new year's resolution is to stop looking..and yet, here I am?!

  


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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Dec 01, 2004 02:11

There is hope. I met a wonderful man. He has accepted both me and my son for who we are. My son is so close to him that he has even started calling him dad.

Please dont give up hope

Nicki



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