I had dinner last night with my best friends of 20+ years and thier husbands. It was fun, we laughed, we ate, we watched a movie and the whole time I just felt so alone! I know they love me and they keep telling me my day will come but it is hard to be in the same room with all their happiness. I don't begrudge them their happiness but I feel like there is something missing. The wives understand (a little) but one of the guys were like "oh you're too picky, it's hard because of the type of guy you like and your size". I was like all I want is a good man! How's that picky?
I can relate to what all of you are saying too. And I look at most of the married friends I have or that are in relationships and wonder why they are. None of them seem to be happy, they just 'settled' so they're not 'left on the shelf'. I'd rather be single than feel like that... something that they don't seem to understand, which can be frustrating. So in the mean time I'll just keep doing my thing and maybe one day I'll meet 'the one'. :-)
I know exactly how you feel, Keestar. I used to feel the EXACT same way! People always say 'you'll find it when you quit looking' and i always used to say ya,ya,ya. But i'll tell you what, I finally learned how to stand on my own two feet, I was dating freely and for once i was happy with me, my life, and where i was in life. Then all of a suddon BAM! one of the men i was dating casually, turned out to be "the one" Now we have a baby, we are engaged and have a nice life. It all happened within 2.5 - 3 years.
SHARPY- excellent advice!
SUPERSIZEDK- I wish you were closer, I know a great man that I could fix you up with and I know he would cherish you!
Hi bubs, How bout the "oh do you have a boyfriend yet? Well a friend of mine has a friend who knows someone who might be interested." or the ever popular "Well you shouldn't feel bad or worried (despite the fact that their tone of voice says otherwise), you should just concentrate on _________ (fill in the blank with whatever important endeavor you have going in your life at that moment)and eventually it will happen for you." Hello! please just tell me git a life and git it over with already. The drawn out apologetic sentences are more painful than the strait truth.
Yeah, It can be sad, being the only singleton...But whats worse, I think..Is your married mates asking you to dinner, and finding some single bloke has been invited too...and everyone keeps looking at the pair of you, to see if you are getting on at all, and hoping that you like each other, then they can claim they introduced you!!!
That's not picky, sometimes people seem to think that if you go to long without a man and want one you should accept any one that comes around and it is so stupid. I know a lot of women that have gotten married to a man that was just the one they were with when they want to settle down and they either git divorced or stay in a boring relationship that would have been better of a friendship. How would you like to be married to the most boring, annoying, and lazy guy friend you have? That's what those type of women have as a husband, just someone they can tolerate and have fun with ever once in a blue moon. Don't settle for less than what you want, you deserve the best.
You're only looking at the plus side to having a steady relationship when you are with your friends and their partners. If you followed them home you might see a very different story. Not everyone is happy just because they happen to be in a relationship.
I bet at least half of them envy you for being young free and single. You have far more freedom than they do, you could date a different man every night if you wanted to, perhaps you need to start looking at all of the advantages and good things that you've got going for you like your independance.
No-one tells you what you can and can't watch on tv, you can buy what you want, eat what you want, go where you want and you answer to nobody but yourself.... Hey don't I make it sound great.
Always remember that saying "The Grass always looks greener on the other side".
It's interesting actually Stephanie because a lot of the women I talk to from here are in your situation but tend to think that they're happy with their lives as they are but if possible, they'd like to fit a relationship in on their terms.
I actually have a theory that this attitude, which used to get guys pilloried for being commitment-phobic and refusing to give up their bachelor lifestyle is spreading to women of a certain social level.
Seriously though... you're a beautiful intelligent woman. You need a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
Yes, it is sad I see things that way but that's my personal experience so there you have it. I love my friends, but when the entire night is all about them feeling they have to fix me up with someone it gets tiring. I am alone & it's depressing, but friends are supposed to be there to support you, not remind you of the areas you are lacking. I have a good job, am in school improving myself; I am just single & would rather not be!
It indeed does suck, especially when your attached friends ask you to get together for dinner on a weekend night & you know you have no plans so you end up going, wasting another weekend with no man in sight. Story of my life!
Yea some times you can feel left out but.. On the other hand I once had this friend she was a bbw too.. Who absolutely couldn't do any thing with out her "bf" up her majorly.. She moaned and complained about it the hole time.. But refused to do anything with out him there.. It usta be really irritating.. There getting married supposedly this year.. Some one asked her why and she said "well I want to marry some one".. Ekkkk scary thought well any ways.. The moral of that story is.. I'd rather be alone and feel left out..Then be with some one I couldn't stand.. Just for the sake of having some one..
I fully understand what you mean. There can be such a stigma attached to a single girl, especially as she gets older. It's tough to wait, but it will be worth it.
One way to help is to listen to your friends gripe about their spouses. :D Many of mine got married too young or because "it was time" and they didn't make sure he was right. When I hear of the crap that happens (thoughtlessness, arrogance, chauvinism) with my friends' marriages, I am much more content to wait for my guy.
That's not being picky, that's upholding your standards, and I say good for you!
From time to time I get accused of being 'picky,' too. I usually respond with, "What, because I'm a big gal I'm not allowed to have standards?" I've lived this long single, I can continue to do so---especially if the only alternative is to 'settle' on something I don't deserve (for example, an abusive drunk).
I don't feel bad being a 'fifth wheel' with friends and family. Usually they're the ones who say they feel bad, because they think I'm 'left out' or 'missing out.' They'll tell me how much fun I am & what a great personality I have...so at this point I ask if I'm so great, why haven't they set me up with their single brothers or co-workers--and if my weight is the only thing keeping them from doing it, who's the one who's being 'too picky' now? I do this in a joking manner, so nobody's feelings will get hurt, but I think it gets the point across.
To be honest, yes I am missing out. I'd love to be a couple--but only with someone who's right for me, and who I'm right for, too!