Delicate question.... guys HELP Family

  • View author's info posted on Jan 26, 2005 09:15

    Hey Toketee

    Like others who have responded i am not a parent. I have studied Behaviour specialising in Children and adolesents.

    Your sons behaviour to me sounds 'normal' for his age. As much as a you may find his behaviour difficult and hard to understand just remember a few things....

    Can you remember what it was like when you had your 1st crush on a guy?? Lol, i sure can. I was a wreck, i can even remember how my behaviour changed. I had my girlfriends to talk to and discuss things with - not all guys ( especially those going thru puberty) have such open relationships with fellow male peers.

    Going through puberty is a time of change, seeing your body grow and develop - again some teenagers have issues with this, or are not sure how to react.

    I guess you can see what i'm saying...

    It's the way in which you respond to these changes that could help him through this time....

    Educate yourself, talk with other parents who are experiencing simular things with their children. If you are feeling frustrated being able to "off load" to a parent going thru the same things often helps. And remember - the way your feeling isn't wrong, it's a time of change for you aswell

    Let your son know you are there for him - any questions he has, any feelings he cant understand he can talk to you with

    Keep the boundries - dont let your child take control. Quite often parents are overwhelmed with the change in their children. If allowed kids thrive from this - and they dont always realise the power they have gained!

    We are all individuals - remember that. Puberty is another stage of identity. Learning about yourself, deciding what paths to take

    As delicate as the 'S' issue is with teenagers - i agree dont offer to buy the magazines but at the same time if he accquires some it may be confusing for him if you 'react'. Again he's learning aboout his body, and telling him 'No" or that u disapprove could confuse him. Yes i know 13 is underage for porn but its how u react to 'delicate' issues that often gets reactions

    Dont smother, give them time and space to be alone if they wish to learn how they feel

    And Love, let them know above anything there is love :o)

    Good luck - i'm sure you'll raise a fine young man x
  • View author's info posted on Jan 20, 2005 03:49

    Hey Toke, I hope the advice your getting is helping a bit.

    Though being a single mom with a 13 year old boy myself I can truely sympathize.. Just give him a lot of love, space and understanding.. and I agree with Mystic on the magazines. Dont encourage it or go buy them for him, but do keep an eye on him. I guess my biggest concern was the headaches. Remember also, kids that age male or female are still going thru growing pains, which can also add to their mood swings.
  • View author's info posted on Jan 19, 2005 09:10

    I'm not a parent but will add my 2 cents. The extreme mood swings don't sound right to me, once in awhile I can understand but if it's pretty often, especially if you find yourself thinking before acating to try not to 'cause' one then I would say it's worth looking into, most kids I was around at that age that had them (frequent/extreme mood swings I'm talking here) usually ended up having more serious problems, but some didn't, I think alot has to do with how the parent handles it.

    The only other thing I have expertise on is the magazines, I would say ignore them for the most part, part of the drill (for kids) is keeping them secret/private, and it's defintely embarassing when mom finds them. Of course if they become an obsession or you notice some really freaky stuff then you'd have to step in.

    Good luck, nothing like teenage boys to keep you on your toes... or is that on edge?
  • View author's info posted on Jan 18, 2005 00:01

    Well I'm not a parent and don't have any specific advice for your more delicate question, but there is a great book about male gender socialization that I can recommend called "Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons From the Myths of Boyhood," by Dr. William Pollack. Some of the topics it covers might help explain some of the more emotional behaviors. It's really not a bad read.
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