Some of us women, myself included in the past, have the same problem with men. What I kept running across was the fact they were treated so badly by exwives/girlfriends that they didn't know how to handle being treated nicely and it scared them. It actually was a joke between an old bf and myself...afer he told me about past relationships, I told him I didn't think I was nasty enough for him, he told me(kiddingly)he was trying something new for a change. When he broke up with me, I jokingly said to him, "see, I told you I wasn't nasty enough". He had tears come to his eyes and told me he just didn't know how to handle it. I'm sure there are other reasons why men/women find others "too nice" for them, but this is what I found. I am happy to report though that I found someone from this site who loves being "treated right" despite the past and he treats me like a queen
It seems sometimes that it might be harder for men to seperate that bad boy attitude when with friends and such from their relationship. Having long hair, I think people see me in that light more than not. It's only hair. I went through the "bad boy" stage when I was younger but still was able to seperate that from a relationship. I don't feel that there is any reason not to treat a woman with the respect and attention that she deserves. I guess some women do find it sexy but I don't how anyone could put up with being mistreated like that and still say they love someone.
It isn't always about wanting a real bad boy, sometimes you just want someone who is a "bad boy" in the bedroom and it seems to me a lot of women confuse real bad attitudes with sexually adventurous bad when they need to realize that their are decent guys that don't mind doing some "bad things" in the bedroom but are nice, kind, considerate and even romantic outside the bedroom.
The majority of the bad boys I have met are not the kind you take home to momma. They do not treat their women very well, but they let you know that they are agressive and that is the appeal. The rough around the edges attitude, and the rebellious side that most women suppress because of society labeling them.
Because dudes who ride Harleys, have tattoos, risk their lives for fun and live life to the fullest excite women more than boring accountants who are couch potatoes and spend their evenings playing World of Warcraft and wiping Cheetos residue on their tee-shirts.
I think the issue is that women all have some stereotype in their head of what a "nice guy" is and unfortunately for nice guys that isn't a good stereotype for most. They think "nice guys" are some spineless guy whom can't speak up for himself, who will worship and put her on some pedastal, be boring, overly clingly, and/or a long list of other untrue things.
Of course when most guys say they are a nice guy they usually don't mean any of those aforementioned things just that we are someone whom will try and treat them with respect, dignity, and etc ... the same way we want to be treated.
Ditto Biigbiird....My husband was up my back side ALL the time.....Couldn't go to the john without his presence. Drove me nuts. Don't get me wrong, I like all that stuff Kingsver but when enough is enough it is just that.
Maybe we use "too nice" as a cop out ... speaking for myself, I don't necessarily want a "bad boy" and I value good manners etc. However, I want ... and need ... someone with spirit, someone who will speak up if they think I am talking bollox, someone who has their own mind. I hate being put on a pedestal and worshipped and adored - I like a relationship to be more as equals.
Just be yourself, and maybe don't try quite so hard?