Übergroße Blogs > Blogs von Nisi32132 > Responsiblity - do you take on what's not yours?
Responsiblity - do you take on what's not yours? Sort by:
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jan 05, 2008 15:26

I had a situation come up- it got me thinking about who's really responsible to get someone to an end result. This incident involved plans that fell apart which required finding a new ride. I found myself in a dilemma, do I drive over an hour out of my way? then back again, to pick up and drop off? or do I give the responsibility back to the rightful owner? That begged my intra-spection of just what responsibility to I own? Should I be responsible for finding a ride for this person because her original plans fell through? or Should I help with a solution? or what? Do you "own" more responsibility than is rightfully yours? my inquiring mind wants to know Nat32132


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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jan 19, 2008 19:49

Nat, In the old days, I took on more than I should have....and afterwords, sometimes I would regret my own choices (I would see myself as a doormat...and I allowed it to happen). So now, I will go out of my way for my friends, but only if I truly want to and feel it's the right thing. I'm a people-pleaser so its always been a constant battle not to allow myself to be a doormat.


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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Jan 09, 2008 14:53

Lady, why do you feel guilty? If the situation is clearly more or over what you should be responsible for, then there is no guilt if you don't. Unless you feel guilt for taking responsibility and allowing someone else to go free? My take on this is that ( once I figured it out that is) I'm denying someone growth by taking the responsibility that belongs to them. Now I sit back and watch, smile and feel good about them being able to step up to the plate. They feel good about it !! See? Nat32132 Re: ladyhawke1 write: Oh my I take on more then what is mine. If I don't I always feel guilty.....


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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Jan 07, 2008 05:04

Oh my I take on more then what is mine. If I don't I always feel guilty.....


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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jan 05, 2008 18:28

Hi Contentedbliss, Yes, I wanted to know, I think it's the ominous female thing to analyze everything we do to discover why. I find hearing why or how others deal with it, first, helps me to see that I'm "normal". Second, adds a dimension to my thinking that I might not have thought about. Thank you for sharing. My saga of "the ride", another friend is in the same town, she's doing the pick up thing. :-) Nisi32132


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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jan 05, 2008 17:09

Hi Nisi I'm always taking on more than what is mine. I enjoy helping others is the primary reason. Here's an example, last summer, during the heat wave, there was this elderly man, hitch hiking. He was soaked from sweat. He looked like he was going to have a stroke. He was going to a neighbouring town - a half hour out of my way - I drove him to his home. I did it, because it brought me joy to do it. That instance, there was no other reason - except I wanted to. But there is also sometimes a very unhealthy reason - it is easier for me to just do it, and feel good about doing it, than it is for me to not do it, and live with the guilt that I heap upon myself afterwards if I don't. I know... there is no reason to feel guilty. Try telling my emotions that. It doesn't work. So I have come to accept that I am what I am. And at 46 - that probably isn't going to change a whole lot. Is it right? No. But it is what it is. So I try instead to surround myself with people who do not take advantage of that part of me. And the times that it does happen - I just accept it for what it is. It has helped to finally make peace with that part of me. Because for years, I used to feel angry AND guilty about feeling guilty. *smile*. I don't expect this to have helped you *smile*. But you asked how we deal with it... *smile*. Blessings, ContentedBliss


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nodramaaroundme
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jan 05, 2008 15:37

Good question as always. I fight with this one all the time too. It seems that when I'm not able to do something for family I'm labeled as selfish, but when they can't do something for me...well I just asked at the wrong time. I guess it's in the eye of the beholder. It's nice to help but if you find you did the all the work for it then you have taken on too much. That's my 2 cents.


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