If you didn't read my last blog posting then I suggest you do read it before you comment on this one since they are related.
Ok, so I was saying that I wasnt shure what my boyfriends feelings for me cause of something he seid. Well it was one of those what if questions... what if this happend? Anyways their was a what if that is acctually possable that he answered in a way that made me question his feelings for me cause he answered it in a seriouse tone of voice instead of his joking tone of voice. Now it might not happen but their is an acctuall chance it will. Anyways It made me question his feelings for me but what also set me off is his online thing with gals... normally I would be like, its not real so who cares but a lot of my self confidence is tied to my sexuallity (so yeah, my boyfriend isnt the only person in this relationship who needs councling but wont get it)so the fact that he gits more pleasure and spends more time online having siber sex with them than he dose the real thing with me desturbes me and makes me question his love/desire for me and it makes me question my disirebility/attraction. Anyways I dont know how to fix the situation and before you go and say something about breaking up understand this... a relationship isnt suppost to be easy, he isnt abusive or anything like that where I would say, yes I need to leave. We just both have issues and those issues will still be ours even if we break up and move on to another relationship so really what Im trying to say is ... relationships need to be worked on inorder to survive and be long lasting, I dont know how to work out our issues but I do know I have to figure it out in order for us both to be happy in our relationship with eachother.
Anyways Im just one confused lady right now. Im just going to take it one day at a time.
Work and Life-
Ok so my life is a bit crazy rite now. I have been practically living with my boyfriend the last couple of weeks becase his car broke down and his house is closer to my work and school than mine so I have been giving him a ride to work in exchange for gass money. I also gained a new job and lost another. The purse stand I was working at closed cause the couple who own it where going to another country and didnt know when they would come back. I did find another job but it is also part time and minimum wage... Burger King. Im gitting fustrated! I need a good paying full time job! The good news Is I am back to going to school at Sanford Brown... that makes me very happy.
Ok, so my boyfriend is weird. He treats me wonderful (in fact we act like a married couple all the time and we have talked about us being married down the road... years down the road)but sometimes I go off by myself and cry cause I dont truelly know what he feels for me. One moment he seems to love me the next he seid something that makes me question if hes with me just cause Im the only person availible at the time (I think he as attachment ishuess, he dosnt like, want, or isnt capeable of being emotionly attached to someone strongly... he dosnt miss people when they leave his life also he might have been a little sarcastic and bitter when he seid what he seid to me). Its not that hes mean about it (90% of the time hes great to me and if he knew I was crying he would freek... he really dosnt like to see me upset) but he, (Like everyone) has issues... mostly created by his ex girlfriends (lose women who made sex a chore... isnt that horrable?), some of them just a product of his own weirdness (ok,I have to admit his online personality... well hes easy, he has more online sex with other women than real sex with me... I dont mind the online thing, its not real and most of the gals he has talked to recently know about me, but I do mind that he dose it more than with me, it makes me question how much he really desires me). Anyways Im just not shure how to deal with my emotions for him. I love him a lot. I dont want to loose him but at the same time if he dosnt love me as much as I love him I dont want to try to trap him or make him feel bad. I think he needs councling in order to fix his issues but I dont think he would do it. I just want to have him for as long as he is willing to have me at this point case I really do think he is the one for me and well... its better to have love and lost than never love... anyways If we do break up eventually I will be alright (dispite crying a lot), I am very independent to a point. I probably wont want to have kids or get married cause well thats what I wanted with him but I would probably date for companionship and sexual need. Anyways Im not going to worry about it now. Why add more stress to my life. I just hope Im wrong and he dose love me back as much as I love him... after all they do say action is better than words and his actions say he loves me...
Ok so I got a new job again. The front desk thing wasnt working out so I got a new job at the mall thanks to one of my friends. Friends are so cool. Im going to be working at one of those little purse stands. Thats all for now. Not much going on. Played strip poker for the first time last night. Lost my top. See ya all later.
Ok so I was hired on at a hotel as a housekeeper by my unkle (the job is really hard on the knees cause I had to get on my hands and knees to scrub the floor, of course my boyfriend teased me about "Earning my living on my knees" He is such a dirty minded man. ) Anyways now I have been given the chance to learn front desk work. I hope I do well because it will give me some of the experience I need.
Also an email pal that ignored me for over a year just contacted me the other day. Whats up with him... he seems to think I will just be waiting for him to come back and talk to me or something. Im not shure if I want to talk to him any more. Some of the things he has seid this last time got on my nerves and he really dosnt sound as nice on IM as he did in his emails. Thankfully I do have good news in this area... Im now talking to a very nice gal over IM who has simular views on womens sexuality and we are now having open descutions about things that would probably shock some of our friends. Its proving to be very interesting, fun, and helpfull to have someone who is openminded to talk to about such things.
My boyfriend has been really nice. A couple of weeks ago He took me and his mom out for dinner (Love his mom, she is so nice and fun) and then took us to the mall to shop for shoes. Also last week he took me to the movies and bought dinner. This week we stayed in but he brought back a blow up purple flower that squeaks when you squease it (although as much as I appriciate the thought, its huge and I have no idea where to put the dam thing) and a cute little key chain (what can I say, he works at a movie theater and spends to much time playing in the arcade during breaks). We also have been haveing lots of fun sexually too... all I will say is I have now steamed up some car windows and he has a remote to one of my new toys.
so I have an easyer drive to get their I love a lot of their stuff even though I usually have to try on a few things to find my size (like a new brown top, pink tank with lace and a black tank with lace ). They are cheaper than a lot of plus size stores to so that makes me happy . So now I feel like I am in heaven cause all my favorite stores (Torrid, Lane Bryant, Deb's, Fashion Bug, and JC Pennys) are in driving distance. I got a lot of new clothing cause JC Pennys had some nice stuff in their plus size section and I of course when to Deb's for their grand opening. I think I spent to much money. Oh well whats the use of haveing it if you cant spend it.
Im going to add a pict of one of the things I got from Pennys. They are so cute! Unfortunatly they dont have everything online ( the top with the butterflys is a diffrent style in the plus sizes but it has the exact same fabric... I actually think its more cute than the one they have in the pict)
So thats it. Thanks everyone for the congradulations you gave me about the job.
Ok, lots of things happening this month. First of all is the Sad- I lost my job so if anyone owns or runs a store in St.Louis and needs to hire help, i'm available. I had a really bad head cold and let some bad parts through on my line. I had 2 warnings and got my 3rd on the first of December when I was sick. I was fired for the first time ever. I can't blame them but I didn't like it either. I wanted to keep my job untill after the hollidays and then find something more suited to me... not scramble for a job and end up on unemployment. To make matters worse it was freezing outside that morning as I left and my car door was frozen shut. I managed to get the passenger side door open and got into the driver side. Some other women where getting off of work and their doors where frozen to so I let them sit in my car till someone brought us some hot water to put on the locks.
Second is the Bad...Ok its not really bad. My boyfriend and I have now been dating for 5 months. I'm very happy with him even though he's a dirty minded "bad" boy. We want to move in together but both of us need jobs right now. Thats what is really bad. His job ended cause it was seasonal so now we both need jobs. I hate where i live but their are some good paying factories down here so he might move down here for a job. I love the thought of liveing with him but I would have prefered to move up where he lives. We will just have to wait and see what happens as far as that goes. I can put up with living here if I have him with me. After all I can always drive to the city when I want and I have put up with this place for over 10yrs now so a few more years here isnt going to hurt.
The Trip- ok I went to visit family for christmas. Told them about my boyfriend. They want to meet him. I seid if we get jobs and have a week off together we might go see them next summer. My uncle wants me to move in and watch over his daughter and help his wife in return for him paying for my school and me not getting a job but I have to many bills besides school to pay like my car so I told him no. I dont think he realizes how expencive school is either.
The party- Ok normally on newyears I go to the bar with my friend and I bring in the new years jeolouse of all the other girls getting kissed and me sitting their with no one. This year I had several different places I could have gone to but my boyfriend was fealling antisocial so we stayed in with his sisters and their familys and hung out. They played a bord game while I watched. We talked and had a lot of fun. The only thing missing was my boyfriends mom. Shes alot of fun but she wasnt feeling good that night so she stayed home. I had fun anyways though. I really like my boyfriends sisters. They make me feal comfortable. They are easy to talk to and one of them even hugged me goodby. I can see me being a part of their family easly... I'm so happy about that cause that means I dont have to worry about any tention in the future as this relationship with my boyfriend grows. The only thing I'm worried about now is if my brother and mom will give my boyfriend a fair chance. They both tease me a lot about my boyfriend and say mean things about him as a joke behind his back. It makes me feal bad. He's so nice to them and they act that way. I would like to say something to them to make them realize how rude they are being and that I dont want to hear that kind of thing but I dont know how to say it without exploding in anger. I thought better of my family. I thought they knew better than that. Thankfully the one person I thought would be a grouchy mean person about me haveing a boyfriend is actually really supportive. My dad, he actually invites my boyfriend over for dinner, he seems to like him, says nice things about him (only critizinig his lack of job), and says he thinks that my boyfriend is the one and that he sees us never breaking up cause we are just a very stable couple together. He seid that we seem to fit together. So thats it. Everything is mixed up and upside down. The people I thought would be nice about things are being rude and the one person who I never expect support from is the one person who is acting like a decent person.
Life is weird... Thank god I have the ability to deal and friends I can talk to.
Ok, I have been buisy working overtime at work so I haven't really been keeping up with all my online stuff so I'll tell you what all is up with me. My new boyfriend is great. He's so cute (I need to get a pict and post it) anyways he is a nerd who's allways on the computer when he's not with me (yes I do know what he's doing on the computer... gaming and talking with girls, some he is just friends with others are more sexuall but we have a thing... I controle who we have sexuall contact with and right now it's only us but I'm open minded and he wants to see me with a girl. As for the online stuff. I told him it's like me reading a romance novel, it's not real. So long as he dosn't meet them for sex without my permishion everything is ok). He is really nice but bossy at times (he gave me homework, I'm suppost to write out what I want in our relationship and in my life for the next few years. He also told me to clean my room... ok so I have been a little lazy and my parents where teasing me about my frantic cleaning spree before he came over to visit last weekend. Now he tells me that if I keep up with the cleaning that I wouldn't have to rush around and clean before he comes over). He is old fashion... he wants to take care of me but he dosn't have much money, I told him don't worry about it now and that I make more money so it makes sence for me to do the paying every now and then and that he can "take care of me" as much as he wants after we get married. He makes me happy and I make him happy (ok so I make him laugh at my stuppidity. I may be smart but I never act like it). He wants to go to school to get a degree to teach english and he wants to live in japan for a year and teach. He wants to travel on a regular basis to so I don't have to worrie that I'm stuck in one place even if we get hitched. So in all I'm happy. He is also a very dirty minded bad boy. He also put his hand up my skirt at a bar. He also has some kinky ideas but we haven't done them all yet... yet, their is always later though.
So after 2 months and a week everything is good. I'm falling for him even though he's annoying (he tickles me all the time and teases me)and he is all the things that I really like (open minded, likes to cuddle, smart, and loves a lot of the same things I like)
All's I've got to say, is that all it means, is that you're hot, they want you, and it's amplified even more by the fact that you're now unattainable. ^.^ So take it as the compliment it is, but keep reaffirming what you know your relationship to be unless they can't take a hint, in which case you reaffirm it with a baseball bat or a sledgehammer. By the way, I found your watch.
Posted by Michael on Thursday, September 28, 2006 at 5:30 PM
OK Michael... chukle all you want. You know you got me right where you want me so you have every rite to laugh about the situation . Hummm... reminder to self, maching his and her baseball bats, buy some cause its obviouse we are going to need them to keep the obsessive followers away . I'll get the watch back this weekend. I forget everything. Poor man... you have to put up with me and my antics. I'll see you this weekend hot stuff.
Posted by Tigeress on Friday, September 29, 2006 at 8:21 AM
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Fayetoria - (the online name of the friend that hooked up The Curvy Tigeress with Michael)
Fayetoria calls me after having read crawling out of the wood work on my other account... she seid as a joke "Oh Tigeress, Will you go out with Me?"... course I was half asleep so it took me a moment to realize what she was talking about. I reply to my best friend Fayetoria " Of course I will. Your just the Hottest woman I know, How can I even try to resist you.". Fayetoria then said "Tell Michael we are lovers... our poor boyfriends will have to go it alown." We then both laugh about it and she seid to go ahead and tell Michael about it... So I did. His reply?
Michael- "I thought we had a commitment?" he pouts (faking of course)
Tigeress- " I seid I'm a one man woman" Laughingly.
Michael- "Oh so women are a diffrent thing? You didn't say anything about women..." ammused.
Tigeress- "Yes Fayetoria is going out with me... she is my girlfriend." laughing.
Michael- "If your going out with her I want vidio footage of the action." Laughing.
Tigeress- Shakes her head and laughs "Your a nasty minded man"
Ok, so I have this topic in the forum too but I wanted to make shure I got as many people replying to this one as possable cause I don't understand why someone would do this...
Why is it that when you found someone and you agree to exclusivity that quite a number of people feel that it is the perfect time to state their feelings about you? Even though they know your taken? Your standing their red faced wondering what you can possibly say after they had embarrassed themselves that way and thinking Why now? Why after all this time? Is this necessary for you to do? Do you really feel better about the situation now that you said what is on your mind. I have had a few guys declare themselves after finding out I had a boyfriend. Some of the guys I was OK with, it was a bit embarrassing on both our parts but they are still my friends... others just annoyed me and grossed me out. Here is a hint people... saying something after the fact isn't going to change things in your favor. Its just going to cause strain on whatever kind of relationship you have with this person in the first place.
Oh and if a certain person reads this and recognizes the situation I'm talking about... your still my friend, I just wasn't sure what to say to you to make you feel better. My problem is with another guy or 2, or 3, or 4, or ect...
You know how I meet the one... the guy I was talking about in my last blog that lives up in st.louis that my freind hooked me up with. Well he's submissive. And the weird thing is that I don't feel uncomfortable trying stuff with him (he let me tie him up this last weekend, that was interesting)... oh shure their was sum parts that I flubbed up cause of my inexperience but we laughed about it together and had fun with it. He asked me to move in with him after I had complained that I missed him after having gone 2 weeks and a weekend without seeing him cause of our work scheduals but I had to be practical... both of us have to fix our finaces better before we attempt to move out of our homes... he cant afford to support me finacially (at lease not yet, although he has seid he would like to)and I have to many bills right now from when I was just out of highschool and I was stuppid. It wouldn't be fair to eather of us if I just went for it and screwed up our finance to where we have to start over again with us in deaper than we are now. No I will be practical even though it was hard to say no... hopefully he can find a better paying job later but for now Im just glad for him that he found one (hes a waiter). Anyways as we get to know eachother their are some things I dont like...(he smokes) but on the most part Its great. We exchange messages on the internet when we dont see each other (usually every other day) and we have talked on the phone. Anyways I'm going to see him this weekend for my birthday and he seid hes getting me a cake... and birthday spankings... Hey, I thought I was suppost to be doing the dom thing, hummm... I could always turn the situation around on him... I have alot of thinking to do to figure that out. I called him a very kinky man. He laughed at me and seid of corse he is, like usuall. Oh well it keeps life interesting.
Never mind my last blog It was stuppid... I Have you ever meet a person that was perfect for you? Where every thing just feel in to place and when you see him or are around him you feel like your home? I have just meet that person. We even have had that marraige, kids, mutual vacation talk that usually would have me looking at a guy blankly in fear... With him it was diffrent, not only could I see it but I beleived it will happen and that it was my future...Oh no... in fact I imidiatly text my friend afterward wondering if the marrige plans and haveing a month picked out ment that I was semi ingaged... she seid yes... Hes driving me nuts... this is to fast but it feals so natural... I am going to take my time though... I will insist on a year or two before the wedding so I can pay off bills and so we can be shure but Im meating his family on our second date...AHHH!
What if they dont like me? He seid they will love me but still...and afterward Im introducing him to my parents.
This is CRAZY!
Also I have noticed we both are talking about our life and future like a couple... its like we fell into a old comfortable relationship... Im happy though. He makes me laugh and he wants to take care of me... although I aready made it clear Im an expencive girl so it might be best that I take care of most of my own expences so he isnt always broke.
Ok so I took a break from school... the stress, lack of sleep, and lack of free time got to me. Unfortunatly work decided to take advantage of it and I have to work a lot of overtime so I have all the stress and lack of free time but i have more cash to... I am still looking for a diffrent job though.
As far as my love life?... WELL... My friend had me go on a double date with her, her boyfriend, and his best friend. Hes not cute at all... well eccept for his beautiful blue eyes. He is also nice (a little nerdy to but thats ok... I can be nerdy to), polite (good oldfashion maners, opens doors for you, carries stuff for you, and walks on the side that the traffic is on, ect...). Anyways I feel more comfortable with him than I have with any guy ever... Im not very tochy feelly... Im just not use to being physicaly close to men but by the end of the night we were cuddling close to each other. And while he is not good looking I find him attractive anyways. The only problem is he lives to far away! Oh shure he lives around St.Louis but thats still far when you dont have time during the week and you sleep through most of the weekend.
My other freind also knows a guy that lives closer but shes not shure if I would like him... again its the friend of the guy she likes... AHHHH!
She probably wont try to hook us up now because I told her about the guy in St. Louis but I just have to wonder... should I go the easyer rout and find a guy who I would be able to see more often or do I stick with the one I already know Im comfortable with.
I saw my friend today and we will be hanging out tommorow... still don't know what to do during the week to keep buisy... probably just homework but at lease that would keep me buisy.
On to happyer subjects, The Rescue Band is playing the 22nd at Zell, Mo. for the Beer Garden Festival. I cant waite... the band members are great people and I love the chance to hang out with feinds, dance, and make an idiot of myself in public.
My friend keeps having dreams of marriage... I never have those kind of dreams. Does that make me odd for a woman? It seems most girls I know had their wedding planed since they where 8 or 9... I have never even tryed to plan anything out for that special occation and that seems to be a annomally amongst women.
My family is gone... they are going to panama for vacation. I'm staying home. I want to cry... a whole week...I am lonely already. I don't have my brother to bug or my mom to grippe me out or dad to cook me something when Im to lazy to cook. I am going to come home to an empty house on the one week that I actually have free time during the week (vacation from work but still have classes in the morning). Most of my friends are buizy so I don't even have them to hang out with.
This is the reason why its good to have a relationship with someone... so you have someone to be with, cry on their sholder, and to come home to at night.
Ill get over it, I just have to find stuff to keep me buisy.
I hope eveyone else is haveing a good day.
Ok, I am finally a member so guys if your interested send me a wink and I just might mail you... Oh, and sorry if you have allready winked at me and I didn't reply, I just didn't want to fork over the dough to do it... but I have now so if you want to wink me again thats fine buy me.
Thats all for now, Have a nice day!
I embarised my friend this weekend. I had forgotten that The Rescue was playing in Zell this weekend and my friend called me up. I didn't have much cash so she paid my way into the Beer Garden party outside the church in Zell. My friend has a crush on one of the gutar players in The Rescue band named Matt... He is Judd the lead singers younger brother. I was standing their and Matt came off the stage and was playing next to us. I went up to him and seid "Rhonda wants your body!"... He seid "What?" He turned around and offered his rear... Rhonda swatted him and hid out the rest of the evening. I couldn't help it though... he is hot and my freind is to chicken to tell him she likes him. I told her she has to get him while he is still single (boy goes through girlfriends like most people go through underwear... but if hes like his brother he will eventually settle down with a nice woman). Oh well I tried to make it easy and even humerouse for her but she didn't follow through... if she misses out it's her own falt. I'm still laughing about the look on her face when I seid it though... I still manage to suprise her.
Im feeling better now... I just have to sit down and evaluate my life as soon as I have a chance. I have to many things going on thats stressing me... Like the fact that school is putting me in debt, I seem to get a little (ok, a lot) of anxity over spending any money thats not cash... Hummm... Is their such a thing as a credit card/loan phobia? If so I have it! Plus I always though I would be a fashion designer not an buisness person (although I do have some good buisness ideas). So I guess I am just anxious because I am not doing well and the financial stuff escapes my understanding. I think the real problem is I let everyone convince me to take the sencable path through life and that plus my fear of being in debt all my life made me take a path that Im not shure I am suited for. Now I have to decide... do I take the plunge despite my money fears and live my dream? do I find something sencable that fits me better? or do I find a way to do both so I eliminate both fears? Thankfully I have vacation comeing up in the end of July so I can decide then... and look for a diffrent job to so I can get rid of the most negative part of my life rite now (stuppid jobs going to put me in the hospital... carpal tunal... Ahhh! Ruining my hands... I hate it!).
On to a happyer subject...
I think I am going to take my friend up on her offer to introduce me to her boyfriends single friends... they live a little to far away for me to take weekly trips to see them but I can always make friends or have something long distance... at lease its not the other side of the earth or something.
Thats it for now... I lead a boring life.
Oh and I went to a shop in Ste. Gen and tryed on hats and stuff... its a cool place. I love this stuff.
I'm trying my best but I am getting more and more fustrated. I am tired and I am not as happy as I should be. I want to change so much of my life rite now but that would take money I don't have and cause more trouble before it all settles down. Its effecting my school grades, making me late for class (being tired is makeing me wake up late even though I set my clock), and it's making me appathetic twards work...(suppervisor is a pain the the ,the rules are getting dumber as time goes buy and they keep threatinging to change me to a diffrent shift despite the fact that they seid they work with peoples school scheaduals... why am I the exception?). Ugh! I need to get happy again... this so isn't me! I am the happy one that always laughs... but inside I feel like a loser whose life is getting away from her. Now I have to fix this... I thought I just got to the point in my life that I was happy and getting somewhere, becomeing someone... I thought I would be able to find someone and be a good girlfriend or more but how can I be that if I don't have my head on stait? I'm not even shure if my dreams of being a buisness person/fashion designer is the rite one for me anymore... especially the buisness person part, I haven't been doing well in my finaciall classes. I feel dumb but I know I'm not. But how am I suppost to support myself, be happy with what I do, and pay all my bills without a good paying career? What would/could I be if not a buisness/fashion person? What career can I get that I would like and would bring in a regular pay check? I don't know anymore and It is driving me crazy... I have to decide by next semester or I will be stuck with more buisness classes that I have to pay for.
I wish I could just hide from my life but unfortunatly I'm to responcible and I know it wouldn't work anyway.
Ok, this blog is about a lot of things but it's mostly me whining...
Just tell me to shut up or something...I'll snap out of it.
First... My teacher-(public speaking class) took me out of class to tell me I should consider acting after I gave a speach about a true goast storie. I wish I had the time to pursue something like that. I can't see it getting me anywhere though and I have to consider my future. After I finish school I could always do comunnity theater as a hobby to keep me buisy.
Second... I am going crazy! I only have the weekends to myself and those I am usually with my best friend or my family, I have very little sleep during the week, I hate my job, I will probably have to get surgury for carpal tunal before I find another job and quit this one, And my grades have dropped from A&B's to B&C's I don't need them to drop anymore... Ahhh! Ok now I feel a little better now that I got that of my chest.
Third... My brother thinks I can loose weight with the drop of a hat or something. We made a deal... he helps me and I will try but with my buisy life and lack of rest I doubt I will be able to do it... If I don't eat enough food for energy I will get even more sleapy and I will get very hungry and have little to no contorle of my eating habbits. So I munch... I hate that I'm not eating healthy and that I don't seem to have enough self control but I just have to much other stuff to deal with rite now.
Fourth... I'm being inpationet, I want a man. I want sex but I promised myself I would be in a relationship with the next guy I'm with. I'm not shure how long I can stick with it though... I am not one of those people that think you have to be married to have sex or something but I would like to have more of an emotional investment with the next guy. I'm missrible...I want it so bad. I will stick with my promise for myself though. At lease for now.
Another guy that is a submisive wanted to talk to me yesterday online. What is it about myself that attracts them? I have had normal guys notice me but I have notice lately alot of guys that like...hummm how do I say this? "Bossy women" like me for some reason. I'm not bossy. I don't get it. What is it about myself and my profile that gets their attention? All my profiles are the same, worded differently but the same. Is it cause I know and say what I want? Or is their some invisible sign on my forhead that states "look all submisives, I am your woman". I don't know. I guess I will end up looking it up, after all... thats where my responces lately are.
Oh and Im mad at my old e-mail pal. He forgot me! Compleatly. I set up my IM for the _hoo site after all this time and it automaticly alerts and adds everyone on your mailing list on that site... He IMed me and seid he didn't remember me. Im like,we just talked a couple of weeks ago and you seid you were buisy with work. Something stinks here. Oh, he also seid he was looking at porn when I asked him what he was doing besides the obviouse (being on the computer talking to me). Huh... that did not sound like the guy I was writing to. Looks like I'm looking for a new email pal.