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Ponine
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Apr 18, 2006 03:04

So, I'm quite new here (and I have no picture up, because, frankly, I don't feel comfortable enough in here yet. If no one sees my profile or care enough to check me out at this point, so be it. I do think there is a slight difference between men and women pertaining to safety, and, let's face it -- we could all be freaks and psychos for all we know... The thing I can't seem to get out of my mind is this-- What is the motivation behind being attracted to big women? Sure, more to love, womanly, and all that, BUT -- What if I lose all the weight? Would you still be as attracted to me, or would you try to feed me like a prize pig? What if I am just as conceited or stuck up or full of myself as the skinny girl next door? Would you still be attracted to me, or are you in actuality attracted to my lower self-esteem and self-worth? I have a nagging feeling that many men are in here because they are under the impression that big women are easier to get, easier to satisfy and more likely to 'settle'... Am I too cynical?


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doc1590
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Gesamte Beiträge: 2
Veröffentlicht am Fri, May 05, 2006 07:39

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on the Internet. I'm also not hitting on you. I have socks older than you are. You are self conscious and have low self esteem for the simple reason that magazines, advertising and television say that in order for you to be attractive to men, you have to be just like the models in Vogue or Esquire. Men are conditioned by this too, to a large degree. Young girls are sometimes destroyed by it. My niece, Christy, is a beautiful young girl. She was about 5'6" tall and weighed about 120 when she was a young teen. All her girlfriends weighed 115 and she felt fat. She was 15 and I visited her in the hospital. In six months she dropped to 88 pounds. She cried when I took her hand and told me "Uncle Dave, I still feel fat." There are men out there who appreciate a lady for what is inside. I truly prefer women who are soft and not bony. If your weight is high enough to cause health issues, then you need to lose some weight. For yourself, not for anyone else. Motives? I don't know. I suppose there are lots of men who figure heavy women are easier. You only know with time and talking. Eyes wide open and not jaded by past experiences or fireworks with a new guy. My prescription, is take two Hershey's Kisses and go to bed. When you wake up smile and let your innerself come out. -Dr. Dave


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Veröffentlicht am Thu, May 04, 2006 14:51

Whether in the cyber world or RW the issues you detail exist - and those men exist. They are a small segment and you don't however have to be their victim. You can make yourself a lesser target. It took me a few years to post a pic on any site, for some of the reasons you detailed, but mostly for a fear of losing my privacy locally. Then a man I met who turned into a friend pointed out that profiles without pics we suspect. Seems men fear Cyclops girl;o) But it is not just about looks, it is about connection- real or imagined. I checked in with myself and realized that though I will respond to someone without a pic, I am much more guarded and have never initiated with someone without one. Once I posted a pic, I felt naked for a few days running about town, but got over it quickly. Moreover, I suddenly became visible to those looking and thus got much more response. As for how to screen out the men you described, take back your power! That man is looking for a certain type - as you described, low self-worth/ self-esteem, too generous and in need of validation. We can all be that way sometime - skinny girls too- the trick is to never lead with that card. Yes, it is human to be vulnerable, but we can develop a skill set that gives us the armor to deal with those who wish to exploit us. Don't let them force you to make choices that limit your ability to find your heart's desire. Truth be told, the likelihood of finding our One on line is slim. But if you happen to be that girl whose splitapart is on the other side of the world, do you really want to pull out of something that could be his tool for finding you? For me these spaces are more about sending out a personal energy that says I am open to love. I find that by actively engaging like this, people around me are noticing a difference in my spirit, and as such I am being approached more locally as well. The cyber world is not for everyone. But think carefully about why you choose to do what you do. You strike me as a sensible woman, capable of sousing out what is right and wrong for you. Trust your gut, not your fears. Remember the nature of fear: False Evidence Appearing Real


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Ponine
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Gesamte Beiträge: 5
Veröffentlicht am Thu, May 04, 2006 02:34

I'd like to think that I am too cynical, but in all honesty -- MANY of the men's profiles here that I have seen do mention how sick they are of stuck-up/conceited/b*tchy small women, and then they go on to say that's why they decided to come here. Well -- guess what -- I for one am not different from anyone else! Sure, I wear a size 22/24, and I may be more reflected then many skinny women, just because of the treatment you sometimes come across, but other than that -- I am just as _____ as anyone and everyone else... For the record -- I do have hangups and insecurities, but or the most part, my self-worth and self-esteem is doing quite well :) Have a splendid evening, everyone!


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Veröffentlicht am Tue, May 02, 2006 21:35

Well when I figure it all out I'll let you know. Heck I'll even write a book. I'm sort of new to this too The only thing I do know is this.... everyone is different. They really need to be considered on a case by case basis. That goes for both men and women. I tried this place becasue I had very little success anywhere else. Yes some of my fears echo your own. Still I'm not afraid to meet people and get to know them. Keep yourself safe. Meet in a public place. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. Yet don't be afraid to try new things....most importantly have fun.


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Barbara9snuggle
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, May 01, 2006 19:54

My step-father-in-law was drunk and hit on me at a family get together. I told my husband I wanted to leave. When we got into the car and explained. He said that his step-dad liked to target large women for extra marrital affairs. One of the benefits of divorce is that I never have to see him again. In the movie "Sideways" the guy who wants to fool around before getting married told his friend that he was going to try to get the waitress (who was large) to have a one night stand. He said that she would probably be grateful. Guys like that will want to go to bed right away. So it pays to wait.


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tangyrine
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Gesamte Beiträge: 6
Veröffentlicht am Mon, May 01, 2006 15:47

yES YOU ARE!Because you are a large female means you don't to have a low self esteem or,have any self worth.Iam a full figured women who power walk at lease three times a week.Iam happy, healthy,cute and i must not for get very sexy.dont let the pic fool you.I have lost some since then.A man can not feed you if you don't eat.And he can not make you fat if you don't open your mouth.People think us bbw's are suppose to go hide because we are big.ha we are here to stay.


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calmdelight
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Gesamte Beiträge: 1
Veröffentlicht am Mon, May 01, 2006 11:03

yes, you are!!! TC.


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