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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Jun 07, 2009 17:36

Recently I have been thinking about men and the choices we make in picking our partners. Personally I seem to want it all, that perfect relationship that is full of communication, laughter, honesty, respect and great sex. What most of us are after ...right? Though I do wonder at how real this expectation is? Having a great sexual relationship is a big thing for me ..well I hope its big ..ha ha. I have had the relationship where I have had other elements that I have wanted in a partner but the sexual side has been satisfying though at the same time somewhat lacking. Of course I have also had the "take your breath away" relationnships where the lacking appeared outside the bedroom. If you have a partner that is great on all the other attributes but only rates as "good" though not "great" in the sexual attibutes ... is that good enough? What about that partner that is "great" sexually and turns your world upside down each time, but is only "good" in other areas? Which would you choose? Will taking either choice have you yearning for that thing that you dont have in the realtionships? How much of a compromise do we make here? Is it too much to expect to be able to have it all?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Sep 14, 2009 02:24

Quoting: Originally posted by aimeefla

Okay, a new blog about passion and add aging. As we age there are situations when a man is not what he was at 18 and a woman has issues as well. Is sex passion? or is passion sex?

Can passion be that wonderful feeling when you hear his/her key in the door?? OR the garage door opening and know that you'll be in each others arms very soon.
There are marriages that don't incorporate sex into the relationship for whatever reason. Does this mean that they are not passionate about each other?? I think not.?
Don't misunderstand, I'm all for an intimate relationship, but intimacy is not always sexual.

I can be nude next to my partner with his arms around me and very passionate, content, happy and surrender to his arms and nude body next to me. Is this sex?? I think so.

Nat

OZ wrote:

"Agree that so many things depend on how you feel and your view point on what is good or bad. Good sex can be created especially if there is love and trust within the relationship.

Though I do think that some basics have to be there in the first place and a passion or an interest that supports this.

The relationship comes first but if good sex is not then added to this it will affect the relationship in the long run. (my view)

I want a loving relationship that is filled with passion ... not sure if the passion part is something that can be created? ( I can feel a new blog here) lol"



LOL Nat guess I disagree here somewhat. grin Lyaing naked next to your partner is not sex, yes intamacy or a prelude to sex, but not hard to create that pleasure feeling. Also in a relationship that is devoid of sex, it is very hard to be passionate for that person sexually, where does one go with that? Now agree intamacy is not always sexual and I would hate it if it was, but intamacy would not also pass the for great sex either. Many things happen as we age that will affect both males and females, but then I think its important that the sexual needs of both parties are looked after? That is what a loving relationship is about I think?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Sep 14, 2009 02:16

Quoting: Originally posted by kewanna2007
Well, I have recently left my husband for this very reason. We were perfect together in every way... except sexually. I needed more than he could give me and I decided that I couldn't keep pretending that I could. We are parting as friends. So yes, I would say that I not willing to settle for anything less than it all. I want a man who can be my friend, my companion, my partner AND most importantly my lover. Yep... I want it all!


Hi Kewanna, sorry to hear about the end of your marriage, but so understand this. Was with a partner for 11 years of which the last four and half years we had it 3 times ... none in the last 3 years at all. Now I wont go into why but the situation got to a point where we were just friends sharing the house. This affected everything else and resent started to form, until eventually I said we break up or you allow me a lover. Now maybe there are ways to keep the relationship alive without sex as part of the picture but very hard to do if you have a healthy , this relationship will always lack something. I do believe that you can get it all, and part of the key is knowing exactly what you want. Thanks for sharing and I love the pic, very nice to see another red head here. :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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one2one
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Sep 13, 2009 13:09

Quoting: Originally posted by ozredhead62
Oh One@One thing that you just may have hit it right ... well it supports my theory. lol :) I do think that it is having that right balance of each that makes it right for that particular couple, and that will result in both being great. I have a friend who admits that she has great sex with her partner and this allows them to reconnect despite other issues and then they sort their problems out. It is something they can always count on in a way. The act itself brings back countless times of intimacy and pleasure and helps remind them of what they actually have and how much it is worth fighting for. Not saying that this will work for all but it does for them. Ok looks like Im going to have to go for it all, somehow balnaced right for me ... now that will be an interesting resume to read from potenial prospects. LOL


Yes, exactly. I agree with your friend because just like love, great sex is another one of those invisible threads that runs through a relationship and connects two people to each other. And while it's possible to have great sex without other meaningful aspects to a relationship, more often I think it's an indicator that there are really lots of other little ways in which the couple share a deep bond. They may just not be as obvious as mind blowing O's.


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aimeefla
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Sep 12, 2009 18:58

Okay, a new blog about passion and add aging. As we age there are situations when a man is not what he was at 18 and a woman has issues as well. Is sex passion? or is passion sex?

Can passion be that wonderful feeling when you hear his/her key in the door?¿ OR the garage door opening and know that you'll be in each others arms very soon.
There are marriages that don't incorporate sex into the relationship for whatever reason. Does this mean that they are not passionate about each other?¿ I think not.¿
Don't misunderstand, I'm all for an intimate relationship, but intimacy is not always sexual.

I can be nude next to my partner with his arms around me and very passionate, content, happy and surrender to his arms and nude body next to me. Is this sex?¿ I think so.

Nat

OZ wrote:

"Agree that so many things depend on how you feel and your view point on what is good or bad. Good sex can be created especially if there is love and trust within the relationship.

Though I do think that some basics have to be there in the first place and a passion or an interest that supports this.

The relationship comes first but if good sex is not then added to this it will affect the relationship in the long run. (my view)

I want a loving relationship that is filled with passion ... not sure if the passion part is something that can be created? ( I can feel a new blog here) lol"



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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Sep 12, 2009 15:17

Quoting: Originally posted by aimeefla

Maybe we need to start with a question that has a million answers.

¿

Define GOOD Sex.¿ It's different for everyone. So, just as everyone said here, it's a matter of how you feel for that person you're with.¿

We each have our own definition of good sex in a relationship and which comes first?¿ I know, for me, the relationship comes first. then being open and communicative to my partner sex will be good. In the past, my marriage, we learned to be great over the years. ( Granted we were young and any sex was mind blowing)

In my second long term, 8 years, we told each other what we liked and we experimented to find our own mind blowing/good sex.¿

I believe its a personal issue and you can teach your partner how to "do it for you". Talk, show, be open. Once the relationship has gotten to a point of total trust and respect you move to initimacy and then you know things will be good on both sides.

my 2.5 cents ;-)


Nat



Always love you adding your 25 cents Nat, glad to see you back and blogging. Agree that so many things depend on how you feel and your view point on what is good or bad. Good sex can be created especially if there is love and trust within the relationship. Though I do think that some basics have to be there in the first place and a passion or an interest that supports this. The relationship comes first but if good sex is not then added to this it will affect the relationship in the long run. (my view) I want a loving relationship that is filled with passion ... not sure if the passion part is something that can be created? ( I can feel a new blog here) lol


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Sep 12, 2009 14:21

Well, I have recently left my husband for this very reason. We were perfect together in every way... except sexually. I needed more than he could give me and I decided that I couldn't keep pretending that I could. We are parting as friends. So yes, I would say that I not willing to settle for anything less than it all. I want a man who can be my friend, my companion, my partner AND most importantly my lover. Yep... I want it all!


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aimeefla
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Sep 12, 2009 01:51

Maybe we need to start with a question that has a million answers.

¿

Define GOOD Sex.¿ It's different for everyone. So, just as everyone said here, it's a matter of how you feel for that person you're with.¿

We each have our own definition of good sex in a relationship and which comes first?¿ I know, for me, the relationship comes first. then being open and communicative to my partner sex will be good. In the past, my marriage, we learned to be great over the years. ( Granted we were young and any sex was mind blowing)

In my second long term, 8 years, we told each other what we liked and we experimented to find our own mind blowing/good sex.¿

I believe its a personal issue and you can teach your partner how to "do it for you". Talk, show, be open. Once the relationship has gotten to a point of total trust and respect you move to initimacy and then you know things will be good on both sides.

my 2.5 cents ;-)


Nat



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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Sep 11, 2009 23:02

Quoting: Originally posted by Babycakes63

I think that great sex is EXTREMELY important in a relationship. but it doesn't always happen naturally. Find the guy that has the other qulities, and then be patient while making love and take charge! Teach him what you like and how you like it! If he is unwilling to let you, then he is not willing to try to make you happy either. Kick him to the curb and keep on trying until you get the right one. Believe me... most men like it whan a woman takes charge once and a while. Communication is key, yes, I agree with Bridge on this one. Not so much in the emotion of it but in the freedom that you feel when you express yourself without words! At times, I get down right raunchy, but there are also times when I want passion, romance. Just try to let out your inner true feelings don't try to fight it, enjoy the ride, youll get more out of it. Yes. I believe that the rest is important, but how are you ever going to enjoy sex with anyone if you are not truly willing to open up yourself to explore.



Oh so understand what you say here Babycakes though dont really agree on the "train" them part. Now have found in the past that men can acutally be trainable, you can tell them touch here, yes softer, now faster etc LOL and that is workable if they have their basics and are passionte. What I dont really like it if they need basic training, teaching them on what I like is a different thing and I am happy to do lots of practice till they get it right. hehehe Now I am a trainer in real life for my work and guess I dont want to be that in my private life as well. What I find missing with guys that need basic training, is the internal passion to begin with, if they dont have this then its like they are just jumping through the hoops, no further create or involement. So for me I guess that there has to be a natural element here, one of passion and imagination, from there anything is possible and oh so much fun. Thanks for your comment good to see you on here keep them coming. :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Aug 18, 2009 17:33

Thank you all for you comments, life got a bit busy so I wont be able to respond to each as I would like to. I see that the main stream here is that the other parts of a relationship are more important than having great sex and I agree if you can find that both are good you are very lucky and should appreciate what you have found. What makes me wonder is the countless of relationships that have broken up because of the lack of or unstaisfied sexual life? Some of these relationships had great communication and friendships and appeared to be perfect from the outside. Now maybe this also depends on what the natural urge and drive is of the person, but I do think that if this is widely mismatched you are also headed for trouble. Looks like I am going to have to find someone with it ALL ... now that is a hell of a task I think, but otherwise I may be just settling for less? Now the only problem is to be able to see their score card in this area without having to take them on a test drive! LOL Anyone got any ideas on how to do that??? :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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Thunderheart44
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Aug 01, 2009 04:56

I have to say this is a great topic,just not sure you will find the answer your looking for.But I will offer my opinion for what it's worth.It's not easy to find that mind altering,walls crumpling,lightning shooting out of your toes kind .When or if you find it you certainly try and make all the rest work out to your satisfaction.Does it happen that you get it all the way you want it,no,not really.The fact of the matter is there is no perfect relationship,just as there is no perfect human being.We all have our strengths and our weakness,but in the end Meatloaf may have said it best " 2 out of 3 ain't bad "


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AmuseMe
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jul 14, 2009 14:30

I haven't gone back and read the posts, so sorry if there is any redundancy. I think that great sex is about the connection you feel with your partner. If you are making love with someone attentive to your needs and feelings, someone who engages all of your emotions on a positive level, then no matter the size or circumstance, you will always be pleased. BUT, then again, I have not had bad sex in my adult life, nor have any of my partners been without rhythm or skill. ;-) Good discussion though.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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butterbll
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jun 30, 2009 21:36

I feel that the mental component of sex is the most important.I agree with aimeefla.That as we Age, the physical mechanics of sex may get a few mechanical malfunctions.Various parts of the body may move south or cease to work automatically upon command. However I feel if the Emotional aspect of give and take is Fantastic Ie.(foreplay).The lack of multiple fireworks releases would not be the most immportant thing.Because the deeper emotional bonding will last longer than just the physical act of coupling.


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aimeefla
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jun 30, 2009 14:09

I think that if you have the qualities for good communication, good raport and a genuine caring for you and he knows you have a genuine caring for him how can sexual intimacy lose?¿ WE all know men age, we age, issues are going to crop up. With the communication and trust there will be good intimacy.¿ I think,¿

¿

Natalie

¿

¿

OZ Wrote:

Yes do understand the theory here, but am going to be the devils advicate here. LOL

Ok so you have a guy that has all the qualitites stated above of communication, genuine caring and concern etc, and its a good match mentally. Now this guy is not passionate and though he does the right things the way you have shown him that you like, it is without the passion and excitement that you might like.

Now will this relationship suffer in the long run? Can the other elements compensate enough for the good but maybe lacking bedroom antics.

Now say its the other way, very hot and passionate bedroom activity yet somewhat lacking communication. Now that does not mean he does not care etc. Do you not need efficient communication in order to create intimac



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bluegirl2006
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jun 27, 2009 18:30

When I was married before my husband and I had "good" sex. But it was sex, it wasn't making love. As the relationship failed sex became less and less frequent because I pulled farther and farther away emotionally and I didn't want to have sex with him. It left me feeling incomplete. Even though there was sexual satisfaction. The last time we had sex it was when we were separated and it was after we had sex that time that I knew we would never reconcile. I cried afterward for the loss. With my fiance I've learned the difference between sex and making love. Sad that it took me so long isn't it? The difference is the emotional intimacy - the "love" if you will - that comes with the sex, both during sex and during the "after glow". While I've said that I could have a marriage or relationship without great sex and I stand by that statement, I CANNOT have a marriage or relationship without emotional intimacy. There are ways to have emotional intimacy without sex but it takes much more work. The easiest way to get the emotional intimacy is through making love (not having sex). I do hope you find both.


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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jun 23, 2009 07:42

Quoting: Originally posted by one2one
I think it's just as much of a mistake to underestimate the importance of sex as it is to overestimate the part it plays in a good relationship. There are many other important element too, and in the end perhaps it's not really about how much of each one you have but rather that they all add up to "enough".


Oh One@One thing that you just may have hit it right ... well it supports my theory. lol :) I do think that it is having that right balance of each that makes it right for that particular couple, and that will result in both being great. I have a friend who admits that she has great sex with her partner and this allows them to reconnect despite other issues and then they sort their problems out. It is something they can always count on in a way. The act itself brings back countless times of intimacy and pleasure and helps remind them of what they actually have and how much it is worth fighting for. Not saying that this will work for all but it does for them. Ok looks like Im going to have to go for it all, somehow balnaced right for me ... now that will be an interesting resume to read from potenial prospects. LOL


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jun 23, 2009 07:30

Quoting: Originally posted by aimeefla

I'm with most everyone here.? I can show the guy what I like in the bedroom. The other parts of the relationship are crucial because sex will waxe and wane.?? The bedroom is important, no doubt about it and as long as both are willing to learn what the other liks you can have good to great intimacy once trust is estabilished.

?

Ideally, sure both instantly is great, on the side of reality, I'll vote for the sommunication, the concern, the genuine caring. If a guy has those things then intimacy will fall right in line for us both.

?

Natalie



Yes do understand the theory here, but am going to be the devils advicate here. LOL Ok so you have a guy that has all the qualitites stated above of communication, genuine caring and concern etc, and its a good match mentally. Now this guy is not passionate and though he does the right things the way you have shown him that you like, it is without the passion and excitement that you might like. Now will this relationship suffer in the long run? Can the other elements compensate enough for the good but maybe lacking bedroom antics. Now say its the other way, very hot and passionate bedroom activity yet somewhat lacking communication. Now that does not mean he does not care etc. Do you not need efficient communication in order to create intimacy? Now by sex I did not mean only the actual act of f**ing, because this is just one part of it, for me sex also includes the kissing , touching, teasing etc. And though the actual deed may last anywhwere ...now lets be real ...from 2 minutes LOL to hours its the other things that have set the stage of intimacy. Too often I have heard as that the main reason of break up was either sex or finances, problems in either one often breaking down the other. Other reasons is that we drifted apart, but in cases where I have dug deeper, in nearly all cases it was the sexual side of the relationship that was the first to fail. Now I know that every case is different, and that we do make compromises, just wondering if we really should?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jun 23, 2009 06:27

Quoting: Originally posted by bluegirl2006
Truly Oz, only you can determine what the "must haves" are for you. I like sex, but I went 13 years without having sex with a partner after my divorce and I survived it with no harm done. I could take care of my own sexual needs with no problem. It was the other physical intimacies (as well as emotional intimacies) that I missed more than anything - kissing (GOD I missed kissing!), handholding, just touching someone and being touched by someone in an affectionate way. That's why sex wasn't as high on my priority list. I need a partner that is totally comfortable with and really enjoys PDAs (public displays of affection - as well as private displays of affection). That was MY priority. Well one of them anyway. ;) But if good sex is a priority for you then it needs to stay on your list of "must haves". Don't settle. Ever. You'll be disappointed if you do and that road leads to dissatisfaction (no pun intended) and heartbreak. As for your previous partner who was willing to learn to please you but didn't continue to please you - well that is an indication that his commitment to pleasing you was slipping. Whether it is sexual or communication a willingness to learn is important because both of those things are learned skills and can be taught. But willingness to commit to making your partner happy and doing what it takes to KEEP your partner happy and keep a relationship going after the initial excitement wears off is more important. Judging whether a person has that commitment factor is a harder thing to do. Sometimes only time can tell.


Understand what you write here Blue, I had a relationship where we did not have a physical relationship for nearly 4 years and before that for another 2 years it was maybe 6 times a year. What once was a good relationship slowly turned sour because we could not maintain the intimacy without the physical interaction. The kisses stopped as they would just stir things up that could not be had (wont go into why here). So did the cuddles, touching and flirting and so much more suffered. Eventually we were room mates and things started to turn resentful until we parted. If I dont have someone in my life the sex is not an issue, but its not the same when you do. When you love someone and want to be able to express yourself in that way, or to feel that the level of emotion you have is matched and show on a physical level. I guess that is why I dont want to compromise, and want both in my relationship, think there is no reason that you cant have both, for as if you say you have a partner that is there to please you, you should be able to make it happen. I was just wondering if I am being unreasonable?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jun 23, 2009 06:10

Quoting: Originally posted by BridgeportKid
Aside from the obvious biological functions, sex is a form of communication. All or most or many of us have been hot 'n' bothered at one time or another, met someone at a party or a wedding reception or some other social event and just wanted to rip each other's clothing away and have at it. That's happened to me a time or two, and guess what: I enjoyed it, guilt-free. But I want something more. Intimacy is is more, much more than the earthly aspect. Sex is ALWAYS better if it has an emotional meaning.


Yes of course it is better when you are emotionally connected to your partnere, and that is what I am talking about. But unless you are very fortunate you dont always find that everything in a relationship is of equal greatness. So my question here is if the is already GOOD and you could have one become GREAT which would it be? :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Jun 23, 2009 06:07

Quoting: Originally posted by RWGROOT60
I read this post and I couldn't stop laughing. 83 views and no guys responding lol I think a relationship is about intimacy. Without it for me anyway it cannot survive. And intimacy isn't sex...........but it sure does make the bedposts turn to sawdust. I am never considered myself a great lover,in a sexual way, but I have always known how to make someone feel awesome. Some how I think that is the intimacy, the sharing that in the end that will sustain you. If you have that....and the guy is attentive to your needs , desires and fetishes than look out. Who knows what a pop can will do


LOL yes your right ... would have thought they would take the opportunity to say something on this subject ... they must be shy :) Glad you responded though do have to ask if sex is not an extention of the relationship, another way of expressing your love and feelings? Also at what point of intimacy could it be considered sex? Ok maybe I used the wrong word ... maybe it should be making love, but either way where does this start? And we all know what a pop can does when it get too stirred up ... dont we? wink


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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