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Romance, sub and dom do they mix? Sort by:
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Dec 02, 2007 06:41

Can romance happen if you're dom and sub? For me, no, dom and sub are not at all romantic. But then to each his or her own? What's your take? Nisi32132


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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Dec 21, 2007 13:17

LOLOLOL butterbll, I think you have to go out in the field for this research let us know how this works out. We will expect a 500 page report :-D Nat Re: butterbll write: So,when do we start the research??


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butterbll
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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Dec 19, 2007 19:42

So,when do we start the research??


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honeybiscuit
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Dec 14, 2007 02:27

Butterball you have sooo pegged me. I loooooove doing research. lol.


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butterbll
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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Dec 13, 2007 09:01

Sounds like a great research project.


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wyldechild
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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Dec 12, 2007 19:30

Re: honeybiscuit write: hi yall, yep I'm here to add 2 cents. I actually was introduced to this whole notion by johnnywa, lf's very own twisted sub. He was the first first peron on Lf to email me and my response to his profile was, "its fine that D/s plus is your thing but it is not mine." He made a great effort to enlighten me - such a guy. lol. Anyhow I came to see that it was a whole lot more complex and nuanced than I thought. In fact I had never really even thought about it much before. Pretty quickly I saw that I am fairly dominant and always have been ..it felt like coming home to me. I realized that most of the women in my family are dominant and the men are submissive. That is not to say that the men are not manly or masculine but that they are very much caretakers and seek approval from the women and that the women tend to be very strong, loving and generally the person in the realtionship that takes the lead in terms of structure and framework etc. Of course the fellas can weight in and do when they are asked to or they feel like it but generally it is left to the women to be the proactive creator for lack of better words. Now there are all degrees of D/s and the keys are intention, consciousness and consent. ...it is very much about identifying and exploring what motivates you, what triggers you, knowing yourself. I have had an exciting and explosive learning curve of self disovery and understanding and knowledge since embarking on this exploration. It has been powerful for my personal growth in very unexpected and positive ways.

Ah lady, was wondering when you'd throw your .02 cents in!!! Yes, I would have to say that the self discovery that can occur is an amazing piece of what we learn. Not many realize that this "realm" is one where you really have to get a good grasp on who you are, what you desire and understanding the needs of another, or two, or three...he he he. That it's not about beatings, randomly ordering people about, etc. (although those can be deliciously fun as well).


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wyldechild
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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Dec 12, 2007 19:18

Re: bluegirl2006 write: That's because I have an AMAZING boyfriend who has taken the time and held my hand to go exploring with me. And it doesn't hurt that Wylde is kind enough to have shared her own insights and let me use her as a sounding board. She's an incredible woman! ;) Re: wyldechild write: You hunk you!!! Nice to have you back!! Licky you *wink* Isn't Blue brilliant? She's a fab chica, no doubt about it!!! Re: Thunderheart44 write: And Blue I am so impressed by your insights into the relationships of the Dom/Sub lifestyle,you never cease to amaze me ! Of course Wylde and I have started many discussions of this topic in the past so I fully expected her to come riding in on this topic. lol

YES!!! Your b/f rocks...*wink*. Ah shucks, it's just about sharing the good word with good friends! N'est ce pas?...*wink*


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wyldechild
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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Dec 12, 2007 19:15

Re: Thunderheart44 write: Licky me huh !! mmm my mind does wander !! lol

Mmm, good to hear the mind is still working as it should...WEG


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honeybiscuit
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Dec 11, 2007 13:18

hi yall, yep I'm here to add 2 cents. I actually was introduced to this whole notion by johnnywa, lf's very own twisted sub. He was the first first peron on Lf to email me and my response to his profile was, "its fine that D/s plus is your thing but it is not mine." He made a great effort to enlighten me - such a guy. lol. Anyhow I came to see that it was a whole lot more complex and nuanced than I thought. In fact I had never really even thought about it much before. Pretty quickly I saw that I am fairly dominant and always have been ..it felt like coming home to me. I realized that most of the women in my family are dominant and the men are submissive. That is not to say that the men are not manly or masculine but that they are very much caretakers and seek approval from the women and that the women tend to be very strong, loving and generally the person in the realtionship that takes the lead in terms of structure and framework etc. Of course the fellas can weight in and do when they are asked to or they feel like it but generally it is left to the women to be the proactive creator for lack of better words. Now there are all degrees of D/s and the keys are intention, consciousness and consent. ...it is very much about identifying and exploring what motivates you, what triggers you, knowing yourself. I have had an exciting and explosive learning curve of self disovery and understanding and knowledge since embarking on this exploration. It has been powerful for my personal growth in very unexpected and positive ways.


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bluegirl2006
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Dec 11, 2007 04:59

Re: wyldechild write: You hunk you!!! Nice to have you back!! Licky you *wink* Isn't Blue brilliant? She's a fab chica, no doubt about it!!! Re: Thunderheart44 write: And Blue I am so impressed by your insights into the relationships of the Dom/Sub lifestyle,you never cease to amaze me ! Of course Wylde and I have started many discussions of this topic in the past so I fully expected her to come riding in on this topic. lol

That's because I have an AMAZING boyfriend who has taken the time and held my hand to go exploring with me. And it doesn't hurt that Wylde is kind enough to have shared her own insights and let me use her as a sounding board. She's an incredible woman! ;)


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Thunderheart44
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Dec 10, 2007 21:56

Licky me huh !! mmm my mind does wander !! lol


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wyldechild
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Dec 10, 2007 17:26

Re: Thunderheart44 write: Romance can most definitely be a part of a Dom/Sub relationship more so than most people think.If you define romance for yourself what comes to mind,thoughtfulness,thinking of the other persons needs and desires before your own,doing unexpected things to surprise your partner and make them feel special.All of these romantic notions and feelings stem from a love and desire that you have for your partner,and all of these romantic acts and feelings are very present in a Dom/Sub relationship,in fact they may be more present and heartfelt than in a strictly vanilla relationship.If there is a deep bond between 2 people and an unabiding love between these people then there is most certainly romance between them as well.Remember people this world is much more than simply black and white !!! And Blue I am so impressed by your insights into the relationships of the Dom/Sub lifestyle,you never cease to amaze me ! Of course Wylde and I have started many discussions of this topic in the past so I fully expected her to come riding in on this topic. lol

You hunk you!!! Nice to have you back!! Licky you *wink* Isn't Blue brilliant? She's a fab chica, no doubt about it!!!


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Thunderheart44
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Dec 09, 2007 02:49

Romance can most definitely be a part of a Dom/Sub relationship more so than most people think.If you define romance for yourself what comes to mind,thoughtfulness,thinking of the other persons needs and desires before your own,doing unexpected things to surprise your partner and make them feel special.All of these romantic notions and feelings stem from a love and desire that you have for your partner,and all of these romantic acts and feelings are very present in a Dom/Sub relationship,in fact they may be more present and heartfelt than in a strictly vanilla relationship.If there is a deep bond between 2 people and an unabiding love between these people then there is most certainly romance between them as well.Remember people this world is much more than simply black and white !!! And Blue I am so impressed by your insights into the relationships of the Dom/Sub lifestyle,you never cease to amaze me ! Of course Wylde and I have started many discussions of this topic in the past so I fully expected her to come riding in on this topic. lol


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wanda_world
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Dec 07, 2007 19:47

If people stop and think about it, a D/s relationship is what most couples for thousands of years practiced. The husband was the head of the family, and the wife was submissive to her spouse. Having said that, in a D/s relationship it appears that the Dominant has control, but in actuality it is the sumissive who has control, as the sub has willingly relinquished their power and control over to someone else and can actually ask for it back if they so desire. Of course romance can be involved-you still have the love of two people-each giving what they perceive each other needs in the relationship. Some people confuse a D/s relationship with other alternate forms of relationships. A D/s relationship can involve sadism,masochism, a Master/slave relationship, etc, but can be independant of them. Some people pactice a D/s relationship in the bedroom only, some in life at ome only, others in the public eye as well. If one closely examines many relationships they will start to realize that many involve a dominant male and submissive female, although nowadays we are starting to see a reversal of this in many relationships. 32 write: Can romance happen if you're dom and sub? For me, no, dom and sub are not at all romantic. But then to each his or her own? What's your take? Nisi32132


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wyldechild
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Dec 04, 2007 17:06

Re: Timothy5 write: Well girl, I'm afraid I just don't get this whole Dom / Sub thingie. I've always treated my partner as an equal and afforded her the utmost respect, and, I might add, expected the same in return. The idea of dominating anyone else, or allowing myself to be dominated is completely foreign to me. I have junior (some are middle aged) staff at work who are under my direction, and even they are afforded the courtsey of being Asked to carry out some task, and not Ordered to do so. I know exactly what would happen, if in a personal relationship, my partner tried to "Dominate" me. .. She would be sitting on the pavement surrounded by her personal belongs wondering how the hell she got there so quick. Perhaps I've woken up on the wrong planet!

Most women and men that seek a D/s relationship will not push it upon someone who is not interested or desirous of the same type of relationship. Would you date someone that doesn't have similar interests as yourself? Granted variety in a relationship in is good but it's the mutual interests and desires that are important to any relationship. Doesn't matter if it's D/s, vanilla or gay. And again, the power exchange in a D/s relationship is mutual. One partner does not have any more power than the other. They understand each other's needs, desires and wants. That is an unfortunate misconception. It's not about ordering someone about, doing household chores, etc. It is about what their mutual desires are.


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wyldechild
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Dec 04, 2007 16:21

Re: bigtom77 write: is it just me or did wildechild do a flip flop on this subject. makes me wonder she was between these 2 post.lol

What do you mean flip flop? LOL, you've lost me.


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SweetCicely
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Dec 04, 2007 04:57

Hey all, While I have never been involved in a relationship similar to the D/s relationships being described, I still can't get past the idea of _Dominance_/submission. If a man were doing any of the pampering-sorts of things we have discussed only because he wanted to be submissive to me, I could not dig it. I could not respect a man who did not feel he had _just_as_much_ power in the relationship as I had. In that case, getting flowers, having my feet rubbed seems like a sincere gesture, something my partner is doing without regard for his own pleasure, while, I suspect, a submissive man gets some pleasure out of serving, else why call it that? I could be way off, I know, or just hard headed . . more n' likely! LOL Amy


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bluegirl2006
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Dec 04, 2007 03:28

Re: Timothy5 write: I'm with you, Tom Re: bigtom77 write: Hi all, I just can't see where sub/dom could lead to romance. I think that we have to see someone as our equal to be romantic.---Tom

Wylde didn't flip anything. You may want to reread her posts. You boys have got a bit of a wrong impression here. There CAN be equality in a d/s relationship and its not about taking/giving orders. Its not about seeing someone as your inferior. Its more of a yin/yang thing. Two halfs becoming whole. It requires a level of trust that is deeper than most relationships. And there can be a deep emotional intimacy on BOTH parts unlike that found in any other type of relationship. Romance can be a key component. A good dom listens to his/her subs opinions and knows the sub inside and out (no pun intended). The dom sees that the subs needs are met. ALL needs. This is key. The dom lets the sub know his/her expectations, but this does not necessarily include any orders and CAN be open to negotiation. But the dom chooses when and how to meet the sub's desires and in doing so extends the pleasure of meeting those desires with anticipation. A good dom rewards their sub for preferred behavior. A good sub on the other hand puts the needs AND pleasure of the dom first. He/she thrives on giving pleasure in all forms and on being rewarded for pleasing the dom. And in giving the dom the power to meet his/her (the sub's) needs there is the comfort of knowing those needs WILL be met. This is a bit simplistic but its almost like being a child and knowing that your parent will always take care of you and thriving on those moments of "atta boy" or "good girl".


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bigtom77
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Dec 03, 2007 19:40

is it just me or did wildechild do a flip flop on this subject. makes me wonder she was between these 2 post.lol


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wyldechild
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Dec 03, 2007 18:49

Part of my last post got cut off... One last thought as well. How do you define romance? And why would it be any different for a couple in a D/s relationship? Having someone brush my hair, make me dinner, go to a movie with me or me giving them romantic notes, a present or flowers just because? No different than anyone else.


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