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hollaatyagurl
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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Jul 06, 2011 14:07

I have definitely been gone for a while. I see some lively discussions have been forming and I intent to get back into the swing of things. I have dated some people and learned some new things on the dating front. The most valuable thing that I have learned is that you have to compromise not lose yourself but compromise. So how has the dating scene been going for the rest of you and what have you learned or found to be true?


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Beck12
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Oct 16, 2011 20:07

I have learned u can't be pesty and a guy will always write back or call you if you let them go for a while. :) Also have learned u can't have your standards TOO high or u will never meet anyone.


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brotherdave
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Oct 07, 2011 10:28

If you are getting a lot of sexual emails and advances, maybe take off "casual/intimate" on your list of things you're after



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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Aug 25, 2011 18:12

Quoting pharohisris:

Well since I am new to the dating scene as yourself appears to be. In the aspect of talking about sex and expecting a person to throw themselves at you women are no different. A woman will make the assumption that all men are the same based on her past experience and will assume that's what all men want and offer themselves sexually to a man in an attempt to secure an relationship. Its rare that some one is genuinely interested in learning a person. You also have to consider how you present yourself to a man on your first meeting, to be honest men/women will try that with anyone they feel who is weak enough to fall for that B.S. regardless of size,color,shape etc that's more based on vulnerability. As for as compromises never compromise yourself or your standards if that individual can not rise to meet the bar why lower so they can walk over it by doing so you set the expectation that you are willing to take down on your standards and they will twist you sideways with compromises. (My motto as I live & learn is to dig and be dug I'm return)


I know I'm late, but what I've found out is that there is nothing wrong with having high standards for you potential mate as long as you can mirror them back. Of course you have to be willing to compromise, but one should NEVER compromise on their core beliefs and values unless pretty dang good soul rocking has been done.

Of course these changes should hopefully be for the better. But the fact is, you can't change the essence of who you are, but you can change how you react, how you think, and the quality of your contribution in relationships.

I can't even try to tell you how many times I've been told that I expect too much from "a potential" but really, is it too much if I'm willing to give it back, or is it just too much because they aren't willing to do... anything? I ask myself that with every date I have, because the cues are always present from beginning to the end.

If someone is late a few minutes on the first date, so what. An hour - heck no! They try to ease sexual chat into each topic's conversation on the first date... no! They aren't able to articulate specific wants and feelings... no!

People looking for something real, aren't usually messy and horned out on the first date, but open and ready for interchange of communication, seeing where you two connect.

Quoting pharohisris:

It's rare that someone is genuinely interested in learning a person.

 



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spicylady40
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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Aug 18, 2011 17:41

I'm recently seperated from a man I was naive enough to marry twice. I have been out of the dating scene for five years. What has changed?


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Arrdata
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Aug 14, 2011 18:36

Speaking of guys, we're not all the same. Just like the girls: Not all the same. Just because I appreciate you and think you're nice doesn't mean that I'm going to sleep with you: I can think with my brain and not my gonads. Hope my potential date can do the same. Nothin' sexier than a smart, strong woman. D


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hollaatyagurl
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Jul 29, 2011 21:43

@ pharoah: So true. Some women really feel the most interesting thing they have to offer is in between their legs. This has been conditione into people's heads. If the person has low-self esteem this faulty belief is magnified. So when they run into that guy who actually wants to get to know them and take things slow they get scared. It is so out of the standard deviation for this to happen. I do believe in some compromises but not losing yourself. Thanks hun! You were very insightful.


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hollaatyagurl
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Jul 29, 2011 21:31

@ Qadesh: Hello again to you as well Miss lady! I am with you on that. Do you whatever makes you feel happy do it with no resistance. You are an adult and nothing is wrong with having lovers. I wish you the best and I hope everything is going well.


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hollaatyagurl
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Jul 29, 2011 21:28

@ Hope: You are so right.. I think this is not just a big girl issue and rather a woman's issue. Some guys feel like they are entitled to the goodies. I have seen guys act just as you are desribing about wanting a woman to wait around on them and act needy. Only an insecure man would want a woman who feels like a man validates her. Good luck girl and btw: u are hilaious!


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pharohisris
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Jul 10, 2011 11:35

Well since I am new to the dating scene as yourself appears to be. In the aspect of talking about sex and expecting a person to throw themselves at you women are no different. A woman will make the assumption that all men are the same based on her past experience and will assume that's what all men want and offer themselves sexually to a man in an attempt to secure an relationship. Its rare that some one is genuinely interested in learning a person. You also have to consider how you present yourself to a man on your first meeting, to be honest men/women will try that with anyone they feel who is weak enough to fall for that B.S. regardless of size,color,shape etc that's more based on vulnerability. As for as compromises never compromise yourself or your standards if that individual can not rise to meet the bar why lower so they can walk over it by doing so you set the expectation that you are willing to take down on your standards and they will twist you sideways with compromises. (My motto as I live & learn is to dig and be dug I'm return)

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Qadesh
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Jul 08, 2011 16:31

Hello again. I have just returned from meeting my part time lover and have had a wonderful, special time with him again. He absolutely loves the way I look, and takes the time to tell me those type of things. So right now on a high and can't complain. Now that is a switch for me! Qadesh


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Hope4me
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Jul 08, 2011 00:27

When it comes to online dudes, you still have those who think that they talk to a big girl about sex and how they want to have it with her that she will throw all caution to the wind and move where he is, sit and wait by the phone, constantly look for his emails...lolololol and when you catch them at their own game, then they tell you that you are not the one for them (all the while secretly hoping you will change your mind and want to come back to him)...lolol uhhhhh so nothing has changed really. Maybe the number is a little less because guys like that usually move on or end up getting tired of keeping up with their lies. You are right though you dont have to lose yourself in a compromise, but sometimes a compromise is all a jerk needs to try and take advantage...lol I do visit a friend in vegas from time to time..lolol but he blew it by telling me that Im the best because Im not like a real girlfriend (huh???). So when I go to vegas I call him, sometimes and I have no problem telling him Im coming out and then changing my mind (something a guy would do anyway) and not feeling the least bit guilty about it.  And Im still having a good time.



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