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Why do plus sized women feel like they have to settle ? Sort by:
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btchnboots
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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Jul 25, 2012 22:26

I often wonder why plus sized women, more so then men, feel they have to settle for the first man that shows some interest in them. every woman has something special about them that draws a mans attention without them having to settle for just any man regardless of what he has to bring to the relationship.

I'm a plus sized female who has my own and even though there are times I just want to feel a mans touch or his soft lips on my skin. I refuse to settle. I feel i have a lot to offer a man and our relationship so why would i be willing to grab onto the first man who comments on my looks as a plus sized woman?

I'd like to know your opinion on this subject, as it may help me better understand what men as well as women think and perhaps it may also help me to help someone else out there.

 



I'm asking because im new to this but open minded and most of the Ohio men i've met are uhhh welll errrrrr pretty blah.

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chadmc45
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Jul 26, 2013 19:18

hey chels nice to see your still around. nate says hello. chad



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Tangentsouls
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, May 14, 2013 07:47

Settleing is a mind set and a compremise. In reality is only settle ing when you sign the contract.  How many women look at a man as a project a fixer upper. I can marry him now and work on him later.  Is it only setteling because you have (and you should) High expectations?

What about cultures where they have arranged marriages. Seems to me nobodies concerned with the Happiness of those involved. The expectations are so much lower and yet many last a life time.  We can only control what we do and how we react we can TRY to control other and then we can choose to force others to do are will. It is just so much simpler to control yourself and understand your situation in the proper context . When you do that the banana's do taste sweeter.

If you are only being offered 2 bananas, you have to decide to either take one of them, or keep looking, but at some point I realized that those bananas can be in short supply. The men I wanted to look at me, would turn away, and a girl can only take it for so long, having no bananas. Lol

ie     



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Tarrbaby
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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Dec 20, 2012 21:41

Just yesterday, I was waiting in line and a guy who was quite handsome and well spoken used that tired a** line, "Smile! What can I do to make you smile?" Well, believe it or not, that pissed me off. If you want to meet me or talk to me, introduce yourself. I HATE LINES!! I've always been one to spot the okey-doke from a mile away and I knew he was hitting on me. Somehow, I deflected the conversation to the real estate crisis (yes, I am a conversational genius) and I was next in line. I think he thought because I'm fat, that I would just disintegrate into a drooling, blithering idiot because he decided to pay some attention to me. Not the kid.

My point is that not all our problems should be blamed on self-esteem. We also need to have some awareness. Know the tricks and the lines. Don't fall for them just because they come from a pretty face with a pretty mouth. Shut'em down.



The cruelest lies are often told in silence.

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Ulookin4me2013
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Dec 09, 2012 14:12

It's all about self-esteem.  You either have it or you don't.  As for me, I don't care for anyone, male or female, who doesn't care about themselves; ... what they eat, what they wear, what they do...  If those standards are to high for most then, I'm better off being alone.  Period.  Truth is, I'd rather be with people who carry themselves with pride, confidence & can laugh @ themselves before someone else!

As for the man in my life? There isn't one right now & that's fine with me! I'm emotionally available, psychologically healthy & ready for the next love of my life. I've an active social life, spiritually grounded & open to selectively choose what I will do next & with whom!  The same is true for each of us! Stop listening to the bullies in your life.  Make the best choices you can I say & NEVER settle for second rate.

When you "settle" you're actually defaulting to a lesser aren't you?  Why? I don't get it!

Fill your life with joyous people,things, do that which puts a smile upon your face regularly, daily.

That's my outlook!  I'd appreciate your point of view!  Let's get some real discussion going tonight because I won't be here tommorro... to much to do that makes me smile!

 



Thanks from 1LovelyBBW !

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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Dec 09, 2012 00:47

I AM A PLUS SIXE FEMALE .

I USE TO THINK THAT NO ONE WOULD WONT ME MY X TOLD ME THAT ALL THE TIME.

GOT READ OF HIM WE DONT HAVE TO TAKE THAT FROM ANY MAN.

IF U R PRETTY ON THE INSIDE THEN U DONT HAVE TO  GO FOR THE FIRST MAN U SEE.

THERE R MEN OUT THERE THAT WILL LOVE U AS U.

I WAS THERE THAT I STAYED WITH A ABUSIVE MAN CUSS NO ONE ALES WOULD WONT ME.

HELL WITH THAT I HAVE MORE TO GIVE THEN A MOST SKINNY FEMALES. WE R BEAUTIFUL. I Am beautiful on the inside as well as the out side .

If men can not see through  the extra pounds we have there not worth it.

What we have on the in who hearts is what makes us better. If the man dose not give u respect and what u wont out of a man then get read of them.

i have found a great man. We really never no how they r.

But when i go out with a man I am  with them and they r with me if they look around at other females when they r with u then get read of them. i will have a man that will only look at me with all there a tench. and so far . i had one man that has not given that to me .

And dont put up with an crap from a man.

But u dont give them any  crap ether.

Tell them how u r and live up to what i say. if u really r not that way then dont tell them u r. Be your self/ I am my self and tell them what i want out of my life. Yrs i hope I have MR Right I dont want to live by my self the rest of my life i want to wake up with the right man . and all of us can find the right. all of us have some kind of baggage of some sort.

but if u can not live with there baggage just remember your not perfect and u have baggage of your own or scalene in your closet . 




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kindascanb1983
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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Dec 05, 2012 13:51

I totally agree with you! But from how I felt in the past it was low self-esteem. I always had a low opinion of myself because of my weight. Its hard sometimes to get over the hurt and pain caused by people who judge based on weight. I have become srtonger with the view point of your statement, but it has been a long hard road. I once told a man that I am only insecure because men have made me that way. I know what I have to offer and what I can bring to the table but when you are judge based on anything it damages your perception of yourself.



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justlooking47
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Nov 24, 2012 09:39

I think because Plus sized women feel that they should be happy when a man pays atten to them so they see potential in that man that may not really be there. I have been the opposite I am not willing to settle but in the same breath feel I am maybe too picky so the quest goes on.



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ozredhead62
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Veröffentlicht am Thu, Nov 15, 2012 02:20

I dont think being plus size has anything to do with settling, I have seen many "normal" sized friends get into relationships which you could call "settling".  It is totally a self esteem issue not targeted to a particular dress size.

 

 

 

Though in my expierience, why I had at times settled myself in the past, is the shortage of choice. 

 

 

 

If you are only being offered 2 bananas, you have to decide to either take one of them, or keep looking, but at some point I realized that those bananas can be in short supply. The men I wanted to look at me, would turn away, and a girl can only take it for so long, having no bananas. Lol

 

 

 

As a plus size woman and once a super plus size, I understood that I was not always everyones "type", just as there are perfectly great men out there that just dont do it for me.  No issue there, just a matter of taste.

 

 

 

When selection is diminished for whatever reason you have to decide to either take whats on offer or make yourself more attractive to a bigger group of people or get out there and meet more people to create more options and choices. 

 

 

 

Do I like this fact?  No.  Everyone should find me hot - HAHA.  But this is what I have found - not everyone is into me and dating is only a numbers game in the end.

 

 

 

Overall if I was house hunting and had a limited budget, I would either have to take one of the houses withing my budget or make more money to afford something better.

 

 

 

Am I saying that we should settle? No.  Rather take a honest look at yourself and what type of people you attract to you and if you dont like it; then its up to you to change you.



Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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florainbbw
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Nov 10, 2012 10:30

big girls you are beautiful .. you goodlooking and shouldent settle for the first that shows up .. try to be confident you should have the best cuz you just wonderfull .. big girls also have the bigest heart from my lil knowing ... there are loads off men out there that love big girls cuz there beautifull and atractiv and great to cuddle with all night .. somme men dont say it cuz they are afraid off wat other ppl micht think ... well i can trully say ´´ big girls are the best ´´.. xxxkissesxxx

 



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cinnamon2004
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Veröffentlicht am Tue, Oct 16, 2012 16:46

Hi everyone...Just reading this blog makes me so sad...Of course I went thrrough all the self esteem issues.All the confidence trouble etc...However I'm still not quite there but I'm starting to understand whats going on (with me! but I guess we are all similar)...When I'm looking at your pics girls ,you are all gorgeaous!!!So beautifull,kind and wise...But in every comment I can hear the hurt...The same I carry with me whole my life...I became big(emotionally) basically when as a baby started getting on my fathers nerves(because I wanted some attention) so he started overfeeding me that I'll go to sleep...Cutting long story short,my father as PE teacher was always on my case,I was never thin enough for him...He called me names,I was always useless in every sport I attempted,I felt no love from him whatsoever...And thats all I craved the most whole my life...It was my fathers love and acceptance...As I compare his relationship with my sister (who is totally slim),their relationship was effortless and she never had to ask for love(and she got plenty)...so and the same way It was with my father I carried on with all my patnres,ex husband etc...They all ended up tretating me like my father...And I realised that was me who basically make them do it.Besause they didn't see me treating myself with respect,so why they would? After all my disappointments I found that food was my love(I even teach cooking-thats how much I love it lol)),fat is my defence...I put fat barier around my body that I don't get hurt anymore...However...I am getting better and because I was always funny and bubbly and pretty popular,I soon(lol in my 30ties) realised how valuable I am,what I really want from life and how people who hurt the others basically hurting themselfs...I know myself better and better every day and even that is a long process I feel that I'll never settle for less just because I don't feel that I am less...and as far as I am concern men will treat you the way you treat yourself...My little advice???If you believe that you are not enough,work on yourself and stay single till you'll know how amazing,lovely and gorgeaous you are...Then someone amazing will come and will see all that beauty...Hope it made any sense and I didn't just gobble it all together...Hope you are all well and happy...take care.Zuzana

 



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plus2014
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Sep 23, 2012 21:49

I am plus size and have accepted that is what I am and I know men are turned off, I see it by their reactions.  You know what, so what.  Let's just be ourselves and love who we are.  I don't plan on a lot of lookers, but it's okay, at least I put myself out there.  The notion that a big man can only be with a big woman is confusing.  I see different couples everyday.  Let's look inside that person instead of the outside.  We might be losing out on the best thing to ever happen to us.


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Debs215
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Sep 07, 2012 14:41

I agree with you wildchild 100 %.....People tend to look on the outside for what the world perceives to be acceptable....why do we have to conform?  Love will never find you if you look for what is perfect and acceptable....Love is humble...it is innocence....If you never take the time to truly know someone's heart....you may be single forever !!!!!!!



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Loulouh1
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Veröffentlicht am Mon, Aug 20, 2012 23:24

I can totally relate, after my divorce I settled for the first guy who came along & put up with alot of stuff I never would have when I was thinner.  Thank goodness I snapped out of it & didn't stay with him.  It was a hard lesson but it taught me to love myself first and never settle again.  A note to wiillddlover 209:  I think most decent women are looking for friendship first but because of all the dang scammers it's difficult to trust people who aren't living in your immediate area (well for me anyways).  So far, the men who've winked or emailed me are either looking for a quick piece of action or just a scammer and the ones I've emailed or winked at don't even respond.   



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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Aug 15, 2012 05:41

I think there are a lot of women of all sizes that settle. Think about how all women are inundated with this need to be perfect. The weight stigma makes it much harder for large people but I think insecurity is not exclusive to larger gals.  That's why I try not to drag anyone down about their looks. Everyone has something great about them and should never "settle". In a perfect world, right ?  :)



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Wildchild50th
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Aug 10, 2012 22:49

I have to comment on this. After reading everyones post on this, it made me wonder "Why??" I have been on the single circuit for a number of years now and had dated ladies from various sizes. To be upfront, I am a big man. But my personality does make up for the physical features. Like "Butterbll" I was in a loveless marriage and I had learned my lesson from that one. The best thing that came out this was getting custody of my youngest daughter. And as I was dating, it turns out that a majority of the women I had been with referred to my kids as "baggage". I dropped those women like a hot potato. My children and for that matter, grandchildren are not baggage. They are the loves of my life and now I set my standards high. Here is the way I look at things. "Its not what you look like, its what is in your heart". When I was stationed overseas, a young Marine had told me this and it had stuck with me, "Beauty may be skin-deep, but ugly is to the bone". Meaning that one could date a super model but she could turn out to have a black heart. Good looks are not everything. I would prefer being with someone who has a great sense of humor, a heart of gold and great family values. I would love to meet someone who can be herself and never be afraid to express her opinions to me. Never give up the standards that you set for yourself. Always be true to yourself and you will find the happiness that you are seeking. Oh yeah, one other thing here, love yourself. I carry an attitude about me. I could not care less on how women percieve me. I am very confident in myself and if I ever meet my soulmate along in the search so much the better. I will not compromise on any line on who I want to be with.


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wiillddlover209
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Veröffentlicht am Fri, Aug 03, 2012 16:08

Lady's to this forum. Please enlighten the men as to what makes you very special and why should I be interested in you rather someone else. You ALL talk that bullshit stuff about what a man has or not has. What is COMPANIONSHIP OR FRIENDSHIP. You SAY you wont settle just because a man shows interest. Dont give me that low self esteem issues because Ive been on both sides of the table and I still havent met any woman who shows interest in me. I have a hell of a lot to bring to any relationship and I CAN back that up. You ALL say the same damn thing in your profile and some of you dont. Explain yourself in details what it is you seek in a man, geez its not that hard, yet you make it seem like it is. If there is a man who shows interest, then get up off your duff and get to know him. Surprises in him or you, could expand or create a wonderful relationship. Most of you dont even want FRIENDSHIP, even at the cost of distance. WHAT a shame. Have the BACKBONE to at least try. Ohh, another thing, if you think that men want sex, why are you showing excessive cleavage in your photos. I wonder why men start on the subject of how big are your breasts come about. Not ALL guys want that now anyway. I know for myself, Im wanting a gal who is funny and is very intelligent and it doesnt mean she has been to college. Im not perfect, but Im a man who appreciates a WOMAN, PERIOD. And quit the independence stuff too, if you want a relationship, you come to these sites to give that up. Thats why when you are with a man you are now a couple. If you wait too long, you maybe dead and Ive seen friends die waiting on nothing. Sorry for bringing a negative message but you need to stop looking at what others are doing and think for yourselves. Your time here is short, and you could have some special moments with 1 guy. Thats all there is. I too, am waiting and no one is knocking down my door and I have recent pics. Well, I do wish you all the best and I am a BHM who is ful of so much love. Ask me anything.

Hugs and Kisses to all the Ladies,

 

Thomas



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butterbll
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Veröffentlicht am Wed, Aug 01, 2012 11:21

As  guy I have to say  the reason that a larger sized woman  may settle for  a partner that may be less than stellar for them has been so elegantly  stated by  the posters here . The reason is two fold,   one low self esteem and two the need to be  loved and receive love . First off the trait of sticking with a partner that is less than stellar for them  is not a  mutially exclusive trait  to women . Myself I went through nearly six years  of a bad mariage because I felt no other woman would have me . Because of my size, I ignored   the warning signs that  she was not  the  best one for me.   Plus  that she  was  NOT giving it her all in the give and take of the relationship to make it work. With her it was  all take. Well  not exactly  98.00% of the time . There was the time she bought me  two pairs of jeans after buying  a tv, Sofa, love seat,  10 dresses ,and  a 15 peice cooking  set.  At one point I was working three jobs, yet  she wanted more  monetary things  that I could not give her . Hey I was only working 80-90 hours a week. She wondered why I was  not perky and wanted to go out , go shopping  , or dancing . When I had just spent  the whole 80 hours in the week week making Barely enough to cover the bills  she had run  up in the last month . At that point in my life I figured I needed to  work more  to make her happy. But one one knows that they have a budget of (a) and you spend Z  and  refuses to control  the non nessary  spending then there is a problem. Only   through  lots of theraphy  I  now understand how strongly the need to  feel loved can cloud  our better judgement . Like the old saying  that you can not see the forest for the trees  is soo true . Because  your  freinds can see the little things that make the hair on the back of their necks stand up  yet we see nothing wrong and  no fear .I thank God that he has  allowed  a special person in to my life now . She Is a wonderful person. She lives quite a way from me, all though we send each other letters weekly. It may be  the real thing ,  But  only time will tell. Ladies dont settle at the first person who  catches you eye  and flows from his lips  pretty words like wine  from a barrel. pretty  flowing praise can be like wine  you may feel good while you drink them in . But in the morning there will hell to pay. 



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AmuseMe
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Veröffentlicht am Sun, Jul 29, 2012 00:35

Because a lot of plus sized woman are starving for affection not to mention low self esteem causes desperation and a need to hold onto any ol' thing that comes sniffin. If you are a plus sized woman then surely you already know this. We all have issues, it's just that some of us are better at appearing confident than others, and some don't care to appear confident, they will just take what they can get.. because sometimes it's better than nothing.



In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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hollaatyagurl
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Veröffentlicht am Sat, Jul 28, 2012 13:41

I do agree. I feel that alot of plus size women over compensate for being larger. Some women set no standard for the men that they choose to come into their life. That is very sad. Some women in generald will deal with anything and accept anything just to keep a man around, I have met a few women like that the guy bring absolutely nothing to the table but she feels that she has to keep him around and her response was no one else will accept me. This is a self-esteem issue. If a man is treating you like trash why be with him just to say that you have a man. Someone like that is only trying to fool themselves. I agree with VOULPTOUS. Some men will tell you that the best "time" that they have ever had was with a plus size woman. I find myself guilty of this as well. Feeling that you need to be the best in that arena because that will keep him coming back for more. It is a very horrible way to think but alot of us do over compensate especially in the bedroom



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